Wednesday, August 30, 2006

23rd - Psychosis

"Sometimes I turn around and catch the smell of you and I cannot go on I cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing I have for you. And I cannot believe that I can feel this for you and you feel nothing. Do you feel nothing?" 4.48 Psychosis.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

22nd - Got To Get Better

I've almost run out of cigarettes, I'm listening to one of the saddest songs ever (New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday) and I got an urge to blog.

Blog about what? I don't know.

I said I was going to end it. I don't want to but it just hurts so much to miss someone. Especially if you know that they're still in the bloody country as you, yet still too fucking far away. I just came back from another country and the entire time I was there I missed him on a whole new level. Not the kind where I would let anyone and everyone know just how much I wanted to be in his presence again, but the kind where I couldn't really talk about it. I could never find the right words to say, so I just kept quiet and tried to live with it. "It" being a dull ache that never went away.

And now I'm back here, and I still miss him.

I'm not a liar. I really won't say "I love you" to a guy unless I actually do. I don't get jealous unless the guy really means something to me. Just trust THAT fact if you don't want to believe me when I say I care. Can I keep you? You know I want to. That's why I couldn't end it. Because you said I'm yours and I am. It's funny how you said you still don't know if I do love you. I should be the one that's unsure who loves who. You could say "I love you" a million times and I don't think I'd ever be fully certain you mean what you say. Maybe because I'm just too scared to believe only to be let down...again. I don't want to hurt anymore, and I'm sick of being left behind. I'm scared of missing you even more than I already do when you (eventually) go away. I'm scared of the dull aching that's not gonna fade.

It's stupid to keep holding on while I still can hold on, isn't it? But I never said I was the smartest person alive.

Down to my last cigarette. And then sleep. I love you, boo.

Monday, August 28, 2006

21st - Just Not Yet

Okay, Monday 3 songs.

Greener With The Scenery by The Used
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn't fair.

Run by Snow Patrol
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear.

Hurt by Johnny Cash
You are someone else
I am still right here.

Shut up, I was a cute baby.

Got back yesterday from Hong Kong. Spent all day at home today. Go me! I'm still hungover from going out everyday during my stay in the 852. I spent my last night there with Nicole and Veronica. Shopping for pasalubong, then dinner in Hebe Haven followed by drinks in X-treme. Wheee. Miles just may be the most beautiful bartender ever. So wafu. Struan joined us. I love that guy. He is hilarious. "Miki, you are very intimidating. You can say 'You want beef with me, foo?!' with your eyeballs!"

So I'm in the living room and it took me about 10 minutes to realize that there were about 4 or 5 guys in the house that I don't know. Well, that's a lie..sort of. They're friends of my cousin. But I'm wearing a nightgown and I'm the only girl in the house. It was sort of jitters-inducing. They have gone now though.

I have seasons one to four of Smallville to watch. Tom Welling heaven! Toodles.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

20th - Tomorrow!

Okay, it's all set. My plane leaves Hong Kong tomorrow at 11am. Yehey!

But dammit I lost my Globe sim card. I don't know how I lost it, so now I have to get a new one and hassle everyone in my contacts list about it. Sorry, guys. I know some of you want to strangle me for changing my numbers way too often in the past few months already.

I got my new ID card yesterday. In my first ID picture (when I was 11), I look petrified. In my second ID picture, I look like the thing I'm petrified OF. Quite amusing, except that I have to LIVE with this ID picture. Ah well. None of you losers will ever see it anyways.

Went out for dinner and drinks with Nicole again last night. 2 vodka cranberries, dinner, one Sex On The Beach and 2 Southern Comfort with Sprite. And I only got a LITTLE tipsy (and a sort of big alcohol-induced headache). My alcohol tolerance is better. AWESOME. Saw some people I didn't really want to see, but life goes on.

Doritos and low-fat cream cheese for breakfast, and a few episodes of Charmed, and then I'm going shopping. Hah. Toodles.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

19th - Let Me Go Home

Monday 3 songs (a day late):

The World I Know by Collective Soul
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding...

Learning To Breathe by Switchfoot
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall

Let Go by Frou Frou
It's alright
'Cos there's beauty in the breakdown.

I've got Michael Buble's "Home" playing in my head...over and over and over again. I guess it fits though. I'm just too far from where you are, I wanna come home.

Yesterday, I went out for drinks with Nicole in X-treme. Miles, the bartender, was our eye candy for the night and I am addicted to vodka cranberries. I had four last night, and then another one earlier this afternoon after having lunch in a Thai restaurant with Nicole, Veronica and a bunch of their friends from school or yoga class or whatever.

I really don't have a lot to say. Tomorrow I'm just planning to go out and do some retail therapy (hopefully). I'm so ready to go back to my life in Philippines. Seriously.

And to all "psychos": WOW, you guys are entertaining.

Oh, and you know what I am so excited about right now? I have a Palm Pilot! I don't even know if I really need one, or why I even HAVE one, but I do! It's awesome!

Okay, just typing those exclamation points was exhausting. I'm going back to watching Charmed.

Monday, August 21, 2006

18th - Dot Dot Dot

All the streets in Hong Kong look the same to me now, which is weird because I've always been able to tell most of them apart before. But now they just look...identical. And I realized this when I was on my way back home after saying goodbye to Elle at the airport. I don't know what's going on.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

17th - Eight Five Two

Hi, I'm in Hong Kong.

So far I have eaten a lot (yeah, I'm going to gain about 40 pounds again while I'm here - the food is just so good!) and watched a lot of Smallville, CSI and Charmed. My aunt has complete seasons on DVD and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw them. I almost don't want to leave the house. I just want to stay glued to the television set like a complete loser.

I met up with Elle, Joan and Jeff (either their relative or friend, I'm not sure which) and we watched Monster House in IFC. Okay, so the movie is animated and looks like for its for kids therefore it should be all light-hearted and stuff, right? IT'S NOT. It bloody scared the CRAP out of me. Especially since we were so near the screen and I felt like all the characters were gonna jump out and eat my liver or something.

Tomorrow, Elle is leaving for California and I'm taking her to the airport and I will try my very bestest not to bawl my eyes out and cause a total scene.

Today, I am going to Nicole's house to see how she's doing. She can't go out yet because she just had a boob reduction job done two days ago. Wow, that's something I'm not gonna be able to blog about everyday. I thought blogs about my friends getting boob jobs wouldn't happen until I was in my mid 20's. Not at 18.

Haha I'm 18. Totally excercised my right to drink in public by ordering white wine on the plane. Not that I got drunk. Or that it really matters what age I am, because I didn't even get carded. Boo hiss.

Okay, I miss Philippines. And all my lovelies in Philippines. Guys, ang tahimik ng phone ko. So sad. Can't wait until I go back. I swear I'll be wearing new boots when I do. Woohoo!

Must take shower now. Toodles.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

16th - Don't Stop The Movement

I pretty much haven't stopped moving for the last few days. Seriously. And I love it. I hate just sitting still with nothing to do. Although now my eyes are really ache-ish from the lack of sleep, so I'll get some shut-eye after this entry. Oh, and I am way too lazy to write down every single thing I did so I'll just summarize.

Carla, Ritz and I went to the MTV Pilipinas awards thingymajig on Monday night, held in Casino Filipino (Sucat area). We had VIP tickets courtesy of Jeman the Man (and Cueshe, because technically we were holding THEIR tickets). It was an experience, for sure. One that I'd like to repeat again, please. Not only did we get a night of total eye candy (Christian Bautista, anyone?) and most of my favourite OPM bands were there (Cueshe, Urbandub, Spongecola, Sandwich Hale, Pupil, etc.) but INXS WERE THERE. And everytime JD went up onstage, I practically died - especially when he jumped into the mosh pit and went shirtless. Holy batman. Loves it. Other highlights were Sandwich and Urbandub's fucking awesome performances, Carla's and my Spongecola moment, Cueshe winning an award (of course I had to be embarassing and scream the loudest when they went onstage) and finally getting a picture Ely Buendia!

On Tuesday night, it was Cueshe's album launch showcase blah blah (you know, I never really know the proper names of the things that I go to). Held in Robinsons Galleria, in Ortigas. Got there around 4-ish and met up with Carla, Ritz, Joko and a bunch of other people in Human. Cueshe went there as well for a visit. Who knew watching six guys in a famous band pick out clothes would be boring? Oh well. Then they had a showcase in one of the theatres at Movieworld; most of the songs were from the new album (duh). I spent about half of my time practically bending over backwards just to get a different angle. Hmm. There are some photos that I like, and I'll post them another time. Tinatamad ako mag-resize ngayon. Just one for now. Joko got me two CDs as a late birthday present and then took Carla and me out for dinner after the launch! Aww! Yay! Carla and Joko, you two are "teh aweeeesomeee".

Managed to actually attend my afternoon classes on Wednesday. Wowzah. Then after my last class, I put the best shots from Tuesday night on a disc for Jeman, showered, changed and then went to Alabang for another Cueshe bar gig. It was in Padis. So...lame. I got there first before Carla and kept frantically texting, "Where are you?" to her and begging her to get there as fast as she could because my head was starting to hurt from the jologsness of the place. I'm not being a snob. It just really wasn't my type. When the band plus Jeman got there, I was given a crash course on Jay Justiniani's Playlist 101 by Jay himself. Mostly it was him and me listening to random songs on his iPod. Tapos naaliw kami sa pagpicture gamit yung phone ko. When the band were performing, Carla and I were wondering how the audience would react if Ruben sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". We guessed that they would all pretty much die from the kilig factor of the whole thing, but Jeman said that that song isn't included in their repertoire anymore. No worries - Carla was fully prepared to pay Ruben 500 pesos just for him to sing that song. And that's exactly what she did. Pucha. Naloloka parin ako dun. Ang tindi mo, Carla! So Ruben sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" and Carla and I decided the 500 pesos was definitely worth it because dyusko naman, mahimatay himatay na yung mga tao sa Padis...lalo na yung mga bading sa kabilang table! SO FUNNY.

After the gig, I crashed at Jeman's house for a few hours - he had to go back to QC because of their super early calltime today for Unang Hirit but I was with the twins, whom I absolutely adore! Chikahan before going to sleep. Hehehe. Thanks to the twins and Jeman for letting me crash there (and for the Studex poster)!

Anyways, now I am back home. I have to get some sleep, pack my bags (for my flight tomorrow) and then go to Manila and pick up my plane ticket and possibly get together with a friend or something. I'm not sure. Bahala na.

Sleeeepy. Toodles.

Monday, August 14, 2006

15th - Best Birthday Ever

Before I get to talking about what I did over my birthday weekend (at talagang kinuha ang buong weekend), here are the the Monday 3 songs worth listening to:

You Have My Attention by Copeland
Since that first day when you made my heart smile
With loving eyes and tired sighs that follow.

Everything Is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack
I used to rely on self-medication
I guess I still do that from time to time.

You're Gone by Something Corporate
I taper off and say it's never worth the pain
Sometimes it is.

So pretty much the best birthday ever. On my birthday eve, I went to Ratsky in Tomas Morato with Carla for Cueshe's gig. Birthday greetings all around, a little dancing, and the guys performed songs from their 2nd album. Oh, and Ruben sent the entire female population of the bar that night into some sort of teenybopper frenzy when he sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". After their set, we milled around near the stage taking pictures. Then I was "kidnapped" by Jay into the elevator along with the other guys from the band, and that was followed by milling around outside Ratsky taking more pictures. Carla and I scored another group pic with them. Whoohoo. Group pics with Cueshe are rare, trust me. There's always someone missing. Oh, and I got roses. Hahahaha. And before we went to Ratsky, Carla and I watched 6cyclemind practice songs in Cubao and played delivery girls for the band by bringing them food. The girl at the counter in McD's question, when we ordered five supersized meals, was funny: "Ma'am, sa inyo po ba lahat yan?"

The next day...wheee birthday! Yeah, I didn't really have that kind of reaction on the actual day. I, more or less, woke up kinda groggy and went, "Oh crap. If I ever get arrested, I'll be tried as an adult." I don't even know why I thought that, because I have absolutely no plans of getting arrested. Anyways. My entire afternoon was spent with a friend who shall remain nameless for specific reasons. Without getting into too many details, I'll just say it was an amazing afternoon. Then I met up with Carla and Ritz in Glorietta and we went to K Tuna Grill in QC for the little get-together thingy that Jeman and Carla organized for me. There was cake (courtesy of the lovely Ritz, who got drunk!), lotsa food, lotsa beer, dancing and I got egged by Mike and Sir Myke to keep up with Cueshe's "birthday tradition". To everyone who showed up at the get-together, I love you all for it. Sir Myke, thanks for letting us eat, drink and dance our little hearts away in K Tuna Grill. Jeman and Carla, thanks for organizing the whole thing. I had a fantastic time.

The next day, I went to Greenhills and bought an iPod video with the money that my biological dad sent me for my birthday. Woohoo! I love my iPod. New baby. I'm naming it Boots. Don't ask why. Anyhoo, after Greenhills, I went back to Laguna. Got home, showered, changed and met up with Jhen and the two of us went to Letran, where she studies, for the 6cyclemind and Itchyworms gig. She abandoned me when we got there to look for her friends though. Haha. No worries. Met up with 6cyclemind when we got there and hung out with them instead. Chuck, Rye and Ney's impressions of two guys in other bands (I won't say who) were hilarious. Some of the freshmen were wearing fairy wings for some theme and whatnot, and Ney and Tutti borrowed the wings and performed wearing them, which I'm sure the crowd loved.

Anyways, there are a lot more pictures, but I'm too lazy to post them on here, go check out my Livejournal or Multiply if you want to see them. Or Carla's blog. Hahaha.

Must shower and change now. Toodles.

Friday, August 11, 2006

14th - Best Number

I turn this number today.
And the term "legally an adult", when applied to me, is terribly funny.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

13th - Red Eyeshadow

Inset picture is one of the shots from a home-based "photoshoot" I did out of total and complete boredom, about a year ago when I was still living in Hong Kong. I'm like the lead vocalist of REM! And no, you pervs, I was not topless - just wearing one of those tube top thingies. Once I find the other pictures from the set, I'll post them. They're a real laugh. And now I miss my red eyeshadow. I lost it sometime after I left Hong Kong. Sadness. I think I'll go and buy some today or tomorrow.

My prof for Theories wasn't up to giving a lecture today, so she sent us to the library to look for a personality test and write about it. So spent class time flipping through psych books in search of personality tests. Booooooring. I'm going to a gig later and I'm so happy Carla will be able to make it as well because I know it won't be as much fun if she doesn't go.

My mum has now booked a flight to HK for me on the 18th. I'm staying for a week and then some. Hopefully, I will get my new iPod video before the 18th so that I will not be bored silly during the flight. You know what's strange? I'm looking forward to airplane food. Loves it.

Must shower and get ready now. Toodles.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

12th - Responsibility & Irresponsibility

Pictures from Erika's 1st birthday party:

I wanted to explode today from...stress.

Erika was taken to the hospital earlier. Poor baby. I am praying to whatever higher power there is out there that she will be okay and will be out of the hospital soon. Then I have a friend who is desperately looking for a loan and she came to me. As much as I would like to help, I can't just give all my money (and I don't even have a lot to begin with) to a friend who needs to borrow some. As selfish as it sounds, I want to think about myself too and how much trouble my broke ass would be in. Oh, and let's not's my fucking birthday this week. And I would very much like to actually have a good time this year on my birthday instead of spending it stuck at home, penniless because a friend of mine had to borrow money due to the fact that she spent all of hers in one week on "fun". You know, I thought she was getting more mature now that she's living (mostly) independantly here but I'm taking that back now. Plus, I've already spent money on Erika's medicine. Family first.

My grades are dropping. Must kick major ass on midterms and finals. Filipino and Math make me nervous. I suck at those two subjects. Seriously.

Wow. I'm in a crappy mood. Someone cheer me up, please.

Monday, August 07, 2006

11th - I Guess So.

Every Monday, I'm going to post three songs that I find are worth giving a listen to. This week's songs are:

Close Your Eyes by Jump Little Children
The sun will rise and keep your mind at ease
So close your eyes...

My Heart by Paramore
I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Paint The Silence by South
Pain comes in stages if we don't make it
Nothing changes

So anyways. I got back from Mandaluyong today. Erikah's first birthday was alright. Managed to take some very cute pictures of her, but I'm too lazy to post them at the moment. I bought her THREE cakes and ended up eating a lot of it myself. Haha. I love cake. I love the icing on cakes! So I probably gained around 10 pounds. Or so. I don't know. All I do know is that I have to semi-starve myself again. Especially since I followed the insane amount of cake with quite a lot of Colt 45.

I finally saw the video for Cueshe's "Back To Me". It's nice. But the "24 Hours" vid is still my favourite one. The whole concept of burning the cigarettes, photographs and fire just make it so much more appealing to me. Oooh fire. Oooh pretty. Oh, and the dude is kinda cute. Speaking of dudes...I swear to Jebus that the guy in the "Back To Me" video goes to my school!

When I got home today, I watched a few videos of Callalily's live performances on YouTube. Now I'm asking how I'm still alive because I felt like dying everytime the camera zoomed in on Kean's face. Cuteness.

I asked my dad to ask my mum if she can get a flight to HK for me on the 18th of this month. That way, I will be able to see Elle before she moves to California. Boo. I hate goodbyes. But this is an important goodbye. Well, not really a goodbye. More like a, "See you when we go on our roadtrip to Vegas, biatch!" Love you, Elle.

I'm out. Need to sleep.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

10th - Cutest Baby Alive

This is Erikah Kym. She is my cousin and god-daughter. And she turns one year told today. Of course, there will be a party and of course I, the cake whore of a god-mother, will eat most of the cake at the party. Anyhows. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY ERIKAH! Okay, now stop growing. Seriously. Please stay little and cute forever. Please never learn to talk so you don't start talking back. Please don't turn into a pain of a five-year-old that I want to shackle and hang from the ceiling. Actually, I can't wait until you are old enough to take out to gigs and stuff because I just know you will turn into a music-loving, tattooed, stubborn badass quite like one of your godmothers (cough cough) so just skip all the terrible toddler days and go straight to 18! Or 15's fine, seriously. I'll sneak you out. But you're not allowed to do coke until you're 18. Just kidding. You're never gonna be allowed to do coke. I LOVE THIS BABY. She's already cooler than most of you anyways. I mean, when was the last time you came across a barely 1-year-old baby who likes U2, huh?

On another note...I have to go back to Hong Kong for a few days either sometime this month or early September. It'll be awesome to see my friends there because then we'll all be legal and will no longer have to worry about getting caught for underage drinking.

I've recently come to the conclusion that spending most of your time at home with male relatives makes you start eating like a boy.

Friday, August 04, 2006

9th - Bands & Moments

Okay, last night kicked so much ass.

Carla and I decided (spontaneously) to go to the Sony BMG event at Hard Rock Cafe. The bands that performed were Craeons, Pupil, Callalily, 6 Cycle Mind, Mano-Mano and Cueshe. Chuck met Carla & me outside the entrance of Hard Rock and we didn't have to pay an entrance fee and got to hang out in the band room where all the bands were (duh) which was pretty much AWESOME. Major kudos to Chuck. GO JACK! Ay...Carlos pala. Not only did he take care of Carla and me the entire time we were with him (he even got food for us wheee!) but he kept us entertained plentiful with his whacked-out jokes and hilarious impressions. Plus introduced us to a few of the guys from other bands, like Kean and Alden of Callalily. By the way, I now have the biggest crush on Kean. Mwahahaha! And my OTHER crush (and the word "crush" makes me feel like I'm in the 5th grade but oh well) Ely Buendia is...wafu. Hahaha. Everytime he walked by us, Carla & I would just stop and stare like idiots. The tulala effect. And Kean has the mala-Ruben effect on us, especially when we got our pictures taken with him. I wanted a picture with Ely Buendia too but the tulala effect got in the way. Bah humbug!

Callalily's performance was good. Last night was the 3rd time I've seen them perform live. Thoroughly enjoyed 6 Cycle Mind's set as Carla and I spent almost the entire time singing along and dancing (which Mike had to see, of course, hahaha!) And even though we have seen them a million times, we still had a grand ol' time watching Cueshe perform. Hey, I've missed watching them and making kulitan with them. We practically lunged ourselves at Fritz when we saw him walk into the band room and, for some reason, Jovan found it fun to keep slapping my knee and grinning like a little boy. And Jay's "Chicken Little" dance was cute. "Jay, I like your hair. Very Chicken Little."

When everyone was about to go home, Carla had her greatest "moment". It was of epic proportions, I swear. And I witnessed it! After I saw it, I was speechless for about 2 seconds...and then wondered if I should say or do anything because I didn't want to ruin the whole thing. But I couldn't take it anymore and let out a very happy, "OH MY GOD! I SAW THAT! I SAW THAT! FINALLY! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!" Of course, my previous "dare" was brought up...but that's okay, because I got a moment too. Pero mas kinikilig parin ako sa moment ni Carla. Parang wala lang ang moment ko eh, ilang beses na nangyari dati mwahaha! It still brought the butterflies though, because he had the cutest smile on his face when I grabbed his hand.

Okay, now for the pictures. There weren't a lot. Drinking and taking pictures like crazy were the 2 things that Carla & I usually do at gigs, but didn't do much of last night (except there was no drinking at all...SHOCKER!)

With Alden.

Drummer boy! "He's like a teddy bear."

With Kean. HOT.

Carlos/Jack/Chuck never has a straight face in pictures.

Despite what my expression may suggest, I was having a blast. Loves the "Cueshe" thing behind me.

Carla & me. She is my favourite person in this country. No joke.

I love live music. It makes me feel about 1239128312 times better.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

8th - Infected Eyelash Root

Just felt like posting these pictures because I love them. The last Solace gig in Daungan that we went to. Fun times.

Daungan bar, early June 2006.

How many times does a person blink in a day? A lot, right? Well, imagine having a sty on your right eyelid and it hurting like a bitch everytime you blink. Oh, and a sty is an infected eyelash root. Sounds gross, doesn't it? Makes sense though. My eyelid started hurting three days ago and on that day I remember a lot of my eyelashes falling out. I'm surprised I still have any left. And why the fuck am I even writing about eyelids and infected eyelash roots?

Hmm. The best thing about my day today was the four-hour nap I took. I woke up kind of disorientated though.

I have started drawing again and this makes me happy. What would make me happier would be to find my lino printing tools, get my polaroid camera fixed, design t-shirts and buy lots of film and start taking pictures using my film SLR again. Art makes me happy. I need to throw myself back into it.

I'm hooked onto One Tree Hill. Haha.

Iya sent me this forward earlier and I like it because it got me thinking:

"There's a difference between giving up and letting go. Letting go is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, giving up is forgetting what was never yours."

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

7th - The Old Goofiness

My right eyelid is swollen at the corner. Not to the extreme that it looks retarded but enough to hurt when I blink. It sucks, man.

Jen & me, during Casual Day in Form 4.

I'm going down memory lane. Looking at old journal entries. Old pictures. Reminiscing. I kinda miss high school right now. I miss seeing my best friends every day. I miss our crazy lunch periods where we walked around the school and bought tons of lollipops and laughed ourselves silly at completely random things and the various weird people we came across during our years of "study" in Delia.

I miss being around people who could make you feel better with a single lame joke, who were on the same wavelength as you. I miss my best friends. But don't get me wrong, I love the friends that I have now. The real friends. Although I don't get to see them very often, so that sucks.

Still lonely. Still misreable. I think it really is a part of me.

I think I have pretty much decided to just finish things with him completely. But then again, like I told a friend earlier, I'm at the point where I am telling myself to "just do it" but we all know it'll be a different story when he's actually in front of me. I'm being told to do what I think is right. Well, you know what? Letting go is wrong, but holding on isn't quite right either because if I continued to let myself be a fool then that's just unhealthy. And stupid.

Oh God
Please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)
You kill me, you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes, hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Gotta take what you can these days
There's so much ahead and so much regret

I know what you wanna say (I know what you wanna say)
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you and I shoulda said it but tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it, baby, this is who I am (am)
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)
You kill me, you build me up but just to watch me break, hey hey, hey hey
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

Hmm. Jimmy Eat World could probably write the entire soundtrack of my life.