Organized Mess

My right eyelid is swollen at the corner. Not to the extreme that it looks retarded but enough to hurt when I blink. It sucks, man.

Jen & me, during Casual Day in Form 4.

I'm going down memory lane. Looking at old journal entries. Old pictures. Reminiscing. I kinda miss high school right now. I miss seeing my best friends every day. I miss our crazy lunch periods where we walked around the school and bought tons of lollipops and laughed ourselves silly at completely random things and the various weird people we came across during our years of "study" in Delia. I miss being around people who could make you feel better with a single lame joke, who were on the same wavelength as you. I miss my best friends. But don't get me wrong, I love the friends that I have now. The real friends. Although I don't get to see them very often, so that sucks.

Still lonely. Still misreable. I think it really is a part of me.

I think I have pretty much decided to just finish things with him completely. But then again, like I told a friend earlier, I'm at the point where I am telling myself to "just do it" but we all know it'll be a different story when he's actually in front of me. I'm being told to do what I think is right. Well, you know what? Letting go is wrong, but holding on isn't quite right either because if I continued to let myself be a fool then that's just unhealthy. And stupid.

I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

There's so much ahead and so much regret

I loved you and I shoulda said it but tell me just what has it ever meant

I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

Hmm. Jimmy Eat World could probably write the entire soundtrack of my life.