Organized Mess

This loneliness is getting the best of me. It didn't make a sudden appearance; more of a gradual, subtle kind of entrance and now it seems to have settled and become a part of me. I could be in a room with a hundred familiar faces and feel like I'm all by myself because that's how it is in my head. I can't talk to anyone properly. I'd try and explain what I'm going through but I think I'd just end up confusing everyone. The words of advice...I appreciate them, but they're not helping. I wish they would but they won't. I came home to an empty house and I hate this place. I want to move out but I still can't. The one person I've always been able to tell everything to is pretty much out of reach. I feel null and void and I just want to feel nothing at all. All the signs point to letting him go; my mind is trying to be rational and telling me to end it completely meanwhile my heart wants to remain naive and is telling me to hold on because there's hope that it'll all be worth it in the end because he will come around eventually. It's a war and I don't know which side should win. I'm tired of waiting and I want to know how much longer he plans to make me wait. What do you do when things don't seem to ever work out the way they should anymore? The way you expect them to? What do you do when the things you had faith in let you down? What do you when you feel like you're breaking, or at least your heart is? I tried blocking it out, I tried drowning it ALL out...but I couldn't. It's all so much stronger than me. Now I'm wondering how strong I ever was in the first place. Maybe I'm just not. Everytime my eyes burn, I feel like the weakest person alive.