Organized Mess

Why "Tuliro"? Because it's been stuck in my head, playing over and over and over again, since last night. I'm trying to blast as many songs (and as loud as possible) that don't sound at all like it just to get rid of the LSS.

I've been told to not go out today because of the so-called "super" typhoon that's supposed to hit Philippines today. I'm praying it won't be Typhoon Milenyo Part 2 because that would really suck. Although I've been constantly looking out the window and so far...no sign of a bigass typhoon. It's just gotten a little windy. And a bit of rain. We shall see. I have my iPod and all my phone's batteries charged just in case the electricity goes bust again. See, I'm prepared. Haha. I'm such a technology-driven teenager. It's sick.

Ugh. I want to go out...but I don't really have anywhere to go today. Sad. I'm starting to hate my room and that's usually a sign that I need to get out of the house for a few days so I can go back to liking it again.

I spent about 15 minutes earlier, looking at my phone and trying to decide if I should give him a call or not. I decided not to. But it took all of my willpower to not pick up the phone and dial his number, and I cracked and called him anyways. While his phone was ringing, I remembered the dream I had a few nights ago...and I hung up the phone. So I guess that's what I'll do from now on. Everytime my willpower fails me (when it comes to him), I will just think of that dream. Hopefully, it'll never stop scaring me.

Apparently, I'm terrible with not just relationships, but break-ups too. That's not fair.

Joko, Carla and I need to spend a few days at Joko's farm in Tagaytay. And make that "Pasensiya Na" video. Haha. It'll be awesome. The three of us went on a roadtrip to Batangas last week and I had a ridiculously good time. And now I want pizza. Ooooh how random of me.

Still looking for a job. I've already applied to a few places. Fingers crossed, people. Oh, and I'm going to be in a fashion show on December 5, at the MTV Summit.

This is me trying (and failing) to write a post that has some significance. Uhhh..yeah. But since my head is really starting to hurt, and I think I want to watch Smallville, I'll just post a few pictures from our Batangas roadtrip and then go.

Yours truly and Joko, backstage at the MMS Music Fest thing.


SLEX stop-over, to get food. Hah.


Doing the Chicken Dance. Not really.


Hi, best picture ever.


"52 minutes?!"


6cyclemind onstage.


6cyclemind onstage.


A shirtless Chuck being all, "You can't be me, I'm a rockstar!"


And, uhhh, me. Looking gorgeous. Ooh sarcasm.

I took a long-ish nap earlier, and had a disturbing dream. Actually, not dream. More like a nightmare. About him, of course.

Where we were, the people in it...they just seemed so dead and hollow. But that doesn't compare to the last part, where there were two of him. It was like his entire being had been split into two. One was his evil side, the other his good side. And good was so much weaker than evil. Good just watched as Evil took control of me. He brought a knife across my throat and disappeared right after. Only Good was left behind, and he couldn't do anything but say "I'm sorry" over and over again, but I was already dying.

That's how fucking MORBID and creepy as hell it was.

Maybe it's my subconscious trying to push what I already knew, deep down, to the very surface. That he really does have two faces, but his bad side overshadows his good side way too often. And as Joko said, "At the end of the day, he can't do anything but say sorry, because it's over. You're over." Because I was already dying.

Just to make this post even more twisted than it already is...no matter what, I miss him so much that it's overwhelming. Yes, I really do. He called me the other night, while I was in Batangas, and I didn't know it was him. I expected someone else. But when I heard his voice on the line...I can't even explain the feeling I got.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. After lying in bed for about two hours, wide awake, I gave up and sat in my room. The radio was on in the living room. A certain song came on. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Don't you just hate that? When you want to cry so badly, but you can't, because you're so used to not crying.

Time is moving way too slow. I miss him. Yeah, I've already said that about a hundred times. Although now I'm also freaked out because of that dream. I don't even know if I should give any importance to it, but it did creep me out a lot.

These late nights are so depressing.

I think I'm going to have to re-install Mozilla Firefox or something. Or pick a fight with SmartBro. Because either the connection is really screwed, or the browser is. Very little pages actually load properly. I can't even put images on this blog. RETARDED. THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED.

And also, the signal in my house sucks.

So, basically, today I am extremely pissed off at technology. If I didn't depend on it so badly (such a sad thing), then I'd give it up foreverrrrrr.

I'm like a short fuse these days. My blood boils at the smallest, most trivial thing. I almost broke my mouse today in total frustration. And I've had a headache all day. I took painkillers and that didn't work. I drank lots of coffee and that didn't work. I drank lots of water and that didn't work. So what the hell.

PLUS! My neck and shoulders are really sore.

Can't wait to get out of the house. Can't wait to get a job so I'm kept so busy I don't even have time to think anymore.

In regards to the last post...hahahahaha! I didn't enroll. Don't ask why. I'm tired of people asking why and then freaking the fuck out over my reason. Just know that I'm NOT quitting school completely, it's just for a semester or so.

Anyways...what to do with all the free time I have now? Work! So am currently trying to find a job. I've got a few options. I'm not going to say anymore than that unless something becomes set in stone. I still believe in jinxes and stuff, even though I really shouldn't.

I'm not going to HK for the Christmas hols anymore. My parents are arriving here in Philippines on the 25th. Hopefully, they have new boots for me. Haha.

My internet connection is being a dumbass.

New semester. Have to go enroll today. Half of me can't wait; I love getting new schedules and seeing if they suck or not (hopefully my sched this sem won't suck) and finding out what classes I'm taking this semester. I'm excited to be given work to distract me and keep me busy. Half of me is dreading it, because I know that once I do get given work and I turn into Miss Lazy Pants, I'll be ranting and raving about the workload and praying for the holidays.

Phibar tonight with 6cyclemind & Joko and (hopefully) Carla. Then Phibar again tomorrow with Joko & Carla & Cueshe. Whoo. I love Phibar.

I've been taking quite a lot of photos. And Callalily are my new favourite band to take photos of.

Anyways, going to school to enroll and all that jazz. Toodles.