42nd - Hollowed
I took a long-ish nap earlier, and had a disturbing dream. Actually, not dream. More like a nightmare. About him, of course.
Where we were, the people in it...they just seemed so dead and hollow. But that doesn't compare to the last part, where there were two of him. It was like his entire being had been split into two. One was his evil side, the other his good side. And good was so much weaker than evil. Good just watched as Evil took control of me. He brought a knife across my throat and disappeared right after. Only Good was left behind, and he couldn't do anything but say "I'm sorry" over and over again, but I was already dying.
That's how fucking MORBID and creepy as hell it was.
Maybe it's my subconscious trying to push what I already knew, deep down, to the very surface. That he really does have two faces, but his bad side overshadows his good side way too often. And as Joko said, "At the end of the day, he can't do anything but say sorry, because it's over. You're over." Because I was already dying.
Just to make this post even more twisted than it already is...no matter what, I miss him so much that it's overwhelming. Yes, I really do. He called me the other night, while I was in Batangas, and I didn't know it was him. I expected someone else. But when I heard his voice on the line...I can't even explain the feeling I got.
Last night I couldn't sleep at all. After lying in bed for about two hours, wide awake, I gave up and sat in my room. The radio was on in the living room. A certain song came on. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Don't you just hate that? When you want to cry so badly, but you can't, because you're so used to not crying.
Time is moving way too slow. I miss him. Yeah, I've already said that about a hundred times. Although now I'm also freaked out because of that dream. I don't even know if I should give any importance to it, but it did creep me out a lot.
These late nights are so depressing.
Where we were, the people in it...they just seemed so dead and hollow. But that doesn't compare to the last part, where there were two of him. It was like his entire being had been split into two. One was his evil side, the other his good side. And good was so much weaker than evil. Good just watched as Evil took control of me. He brought a knife across my throat and disappeared right after. Only Good was left behind, and he couldn't do anything but say "I'm sorry" over and over again, but I was already dying.
That's how fucking MORBID and creepy as hell it was.
Maybe it's my subconscious trying to push what I already knew, deep down, to the very surface. That he really does have two faces, but his bad side overshadows his good side way too often. And as Joko said, "At the end of the day, he can't do anything but say sorry, because it's over. You're over." Because I was already dying.
Just to make this post even more twisted than it already is...no matter what, I miss him so much that it's overwhelming. Yes, I really do. He called me the other night, while I was in Batangas, and I didn't know it was him. I expected someone else. But when I heard his voice on the line...I can't even explain the feeling I got.
Last night I couldn't sleep at all. After lying in bed for about two hours, wide awake, I gave up and sat in my room. The radio was on in the living room. A certain song came on. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Don't you just hate that? When you want to cry so badly, but you can't, because you're so used to not crying.
Time is moving way too slow. I miss him. Yeah, I've already said that about a hundred times. Although now I'm also freaked out because of that dream. I don't even know if I should give any importance to it, but it did creep me out a lot.
These late nights are so depressing.
posted by Michaela @ 2:34 AM
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