72nd - ..............
I spent most of the day lying on my bedroom floor and staring up at the ceiling. I had only one train of thought, over and over again, and it was making me sick.
The only moment of peace I got was when I suddenly remembered that I hadn't made up my mind yet whether or not I should use the blue rug my mum gave me. But that moment passed after a few seconds.
No more feelings, no more words.
71st - Overload
Not in a very descriptive mood, sooo...pictures galore.
- June 9. Carla's birthday eve. Dinner in Italianni's, a treat from the birthday girl, then coffee in Figaro and then 19east to watch le Cebuanos. Haha. Heaps fun, of course, and lots and lots of pictures and Carla redeeming 19east.
- June 12. 70's Bistro with Carla, Joko & Iya to watch 6cyclemind. The night was heaps fun; I was kinda out of it though because of my painkillers (I get migraines a lot).
- June 16-17. Overnight stay in La Leona, a resort in Batangas. Also heaps fun. It was a good time indeed. Hurrah for T5! :P I heart swimming. And taking pictures.
- June 21. How To Save A Life, a benefit concert for baby Robyn, held in Bagaberde Roxas Blvd. It was also a celebration of 6cyclemind's 6th-year anniversary, so congrats to the guys & the best of luck to baby Robyn. :)
School has started. Meh. I hate the first few days of the semester. They are either useless or really irritating. My sched is going to be re-arranged, which is a bother. Turns out that I'm not taking subjects that I should be taking, and I've got subjects that I shouldn't have. And one of my classes is being moved to a new timeslot which conflicts one of my other classes. Damn you, Perps!
So I've been reading a few things here & there. Unless you are someone important to me that I love and care for dearly, then I don't really give a fuck what you say about me. And the most that a lot of people can do is speculate and pretend they know what they're talking about, but they actually don't. I don't see the point in trying to defend myself; I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't done anything to them and, most of all, I don't owe them any explanations. And I know that even if I do offer explanations and whatnot, people will just believe what they want to believe anyways. So I'd just be wasting my time. If you've got a problem with me, or the things I say and do, or the people I spend time with, then YOU get help for it. Because it's YOUR problem, not mine. Become a bleep on my radar first before you get ANYTHING out of me.
70th - It Infiltrates Beauty
After this blog, I'm going to get my butt into bed. Have a few things to get done tomorrow. Here's what I've been up to since I last posted.
- Went on a roadtrip to Tagaytay with Joko & Carla last Saturday (June 3). We made a few stops that included breakfast in McDs along SLEX, Caleruega, Fantasy World, lunch in Taal Vista Lodge and then coffee in Starbucks. Sooooo many photos were taken. Hurrah! It was heaps fun & definitely the best day I've had in quite a bit. Carla & Joko, I luuuuuuurveee you two! Here are a few pics (there are more on my Multiply, as well as Joko and Carla's Multiply sites):
- A few days ago, I went through my mum & dad's collection of old family photos and such. I was looking for a particular photo I couldn't stop thinking about which I didn't find...but instead I dug up something absolutely priceless. It's a photo of my great-grandmother (British side of the family) when she was a little girl, with her parents & siblings, and it was taken during the early or mid 1800s. I love it. I love it soooo much. I don't think I could ever let it go. I borrowed a bunch of photos from the collection; dunno what to do with them yet though. Old photos are one of my favourite things in the whole world, and this picture is a gem. Look!
And that is all. Hehe. I haven't really been up to much; stayed home a lot and did a shitload of reading about historical events and blah blah. Today I went out with the parentals & a cousin; I got a haircut, got a facial (and getting a facial hurts more than getting inked!), bought a canvas bag with a Jimi Hendrix design on it, new headphones & blank discs to backup the files in my hard-drive. Backing up takes bloody ages; I'm not even half-done yet. Bah humbug.
Right now...I am not happy and I am not sad. I don't know where that leaves me, but at least it's not as suffocating as how I felt last week.
Anyways...I'm off. Toodles.
69th - High Up Above Or Down Below
I wish school would start already, just so that I could drown myself in textbooks and notes and homework. Then the thinking and the overanalyzing resulting in emotional hypersensitivity and crying episodes wouldn't be so constant, or so maddening. Or so breaking. Life hurts a lot right now, in many different ways. Hence, painkillers are my new best friend...again.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Goddammit.
68th - Mid-Year Slump
Why is that when I find something good for me, it's either not the right time for me to have it, it wasn't meant for me at all or it's not what I thought it was in the 1st place? Or, simply...it just gets taken away.
Summer's gone, rainy season's rolled in and the cold is starting to seep into my system. I feel utterly and completely lost and, to be honest, there are times when I don't even know why. I just feel it. And every night I find myself going to sleep with a heavy heart.
I'm not trying to be emo. I'm not trying to be anything. It's just how it is.
