Tuesday, May 29, 2007

67th - This Is The Classic "Wrong Timing" Case

You are not a bad person and I cannot hate you. You are what I want, but I won't have you if I can't have all of you. It's either we are or we aren't. Nothing in between. You are my friend and I want it to stay that way, no matter what happens. You are in my life and I want you to stay there, but right now you are not at the place where I want you to be. Hovering in a gray area, lines get blurred and I was beginning to lose my grasp on what I can and cannot do and hope and ask for. I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want to hurt you, so for the moment, let's just stick to a place where we know where we stand. Fix whatever you have to get fixed, and I'll find whatever I have to find.

I don't know what the future holds. I'll only know what's supposed to happen when it does happen. I do not have a crystal ball, I do not have all the answers - I only have this life to live and this time around I need to live it for me. Figuratively, my heart is in a safe that you keep in your basement. It's yours if you want it, but you won't be able to open that safe until I let you. And no, I can't let you. Not right now. Because you don't know what you want.

You and me, we are a chapter in my book that I do not want to add a note of finality to. We are a chapter in my book that I do not want to close for good; instead, merely bookmark. When the time is right, I'll go back to our chapter & the story will be allowed to play out, whether it be through the eyes of just friends or through the eyes of lovers, the way it was meant to be played out.

Monday, May 28, 2007

66th - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

65th - What I Need To Do More Of

Smile. Laugh. Because I really don't think I do enough of it.

64th - In This State of Mind


Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. I think I was just an escape.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

63rd - Update Schmupdate

So what have I been up to since my last post?

  • House renovations are still driving me mad. MAD. When the entire house had to be painted, I had to sleepover at people's houses because the smell of the paint made me sick. So thank you to those who let me sleepover. You guys are awesome. Haha. Now my room is a minty sort of green (it's cute). Now the only things left to do, for my room, are the floors & the shelves.
  • My parents are back from Hong Kong...and this time they're staying here for good. Picked them up at the airport yesterday. And my dog, Ginger, was with them too! Awww I missed her heaps! Poor baby was so frightened about the whole trip. She seems to be settling in quite well though.
  • May 18, I went to Gweilos with Joko, Iya, and Carla to watch 6cyclemind play. The night was lotsa fun. Camwhoring, swapping stories, teasing the hell out of each other, foooood! I love my friends. I love seeing my friends. Oh, and I love prayer meetings too. Heeheehee! Let's not get into details about that. ANG PANGET NG BOYFRIEND MO! And the explicit version of Nina's "Someday". Funny!
  • Went through a few days of being very, very down. Due to a lot of things. I'm hoping I won't have to feel like that again for quite awhile.
  • I have decided to put up with one more semester of school in Laguna. Enrolled a few days ago. Full load this sem. Argh. Good luck to my life.

Here are pictures from May 18:

Second cousins!

I don't even like Robin Padilla. But I guess that was the point.

Hurrah for looking like 'tards!

Sardines picture with Carla, Joko & Chuck.


Me, Iya, Joko & Carla. We rule. Oh yes we do.

For Joko! Yehey! Hahaha!

And even though it's a day late...HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, KATIEKINS! :)

Anyhoodles, that's all for now. Toodles!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

62nd - In The Words of Morrissey..

Monday, humiliation.
Tuesday, suffocation.
Wednesday, condescension.
Thursday is pathetic.
By Friday, life has killed me.
By Friday, life has killed me.

Friday, May 04, 2007

61st - Today...

...was NOT the best day I've had in my life. In fact, today kinda sucked major ass.

I hate house renovations. I hate cement being everywhere. I hate having to move everything out of my room & then move them back in again. I hate dust. I hate that dust makes my skin break out. I hate that no matter how many times I've mopped the floor & wiped surfaces, they are still dusty. I hate that my back is acting up because of the mopping that I did. I hate that there's still MORE renovations to be done. I hate that I don't even have a door yet. I hate that Perps still hasn't given me my clearance. I hate that I don't know which way to go. I hate going around in circles. I hate it when things are taken too seriously when they shouldn't be. I hate being far away from him. I hate it when people nag and nag and NAG me to eat when I'm not hungry at all. I hate it when no one gets that kitchen & bathroom hygiene and cleanliness IS vital. I hate it when the car alarm goes off. I hate it when people use the car for no reason at all and I'm the one that has to pay for gas. I hate small spaces. I hate being caged in.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

60th - Bday Greetings & Spidey

A day late (in MY timezone) but nevertheless...

And I cannot believe we have known each other for four years now. Jebus, how time flies! You are still pretty much a perv. I love it! Hahahahaha. Stay awesome, Riley. Hire me to do your album art, yes? :P

Sooo yesterday...ran a few errands and then went to Perps to get my letter signed so that I can finally get my clearance. The school director's secretary kept the letter & told me to go back on Friday. Sigh. Fine.

After Perps, I went to SM Sta Rosa to meet up with Sweet. Since she wasn't there yet, and my depression was threatening to swallow me whole (as well as the urge to buy something), I spent way too much on clothes. And this is why missing someone & house renovations are really bad for me - I either eat too much or shop too much. I musn't do any more shopping this month. Budgeting is such a bitch. :(

When Sweet arrived, we ate dinner & then watched Spiderman 3. I don't really have much to say on the movie...except that I haven't seen 1 & 2 but now I will because I am officially in LURVE with James Franco.

Someone's back. I got a text last night while I was in the cinema that made me heaps happy. :)

That is all for now. Toodles!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

59th - My Lovelies

I spent most of the day all bothered, upset & very pissed off (especially during late afternoon) but getting together with Joko & Carla made me feel loads better. The three of us needed to have some sort of celebration dinner (hehehehe!) so we went to Don Henricos and PIGGED OUT. And really, we ate a LOT. I was so full of buffalo wings, pizza & onion rings at the end of dinner and then we went to Starbucks afterwards for fraps & more of what we do best: taking pictures & non-stop talking. Hahahahaha. If good friends are hard to find, AMAZING friends are even harder...hence, I'm bloody lucky I found these two. Joko & Carla, thanks for everything you've done and for putting up with me despite the tantrums, random bouts of hysterical crying in public places, bitchiness, moodiness, etc. etc. Our friendship is something that can last a lifetime, and I sincerely hope it does.

Oh, something kinda surprising but in the cool way happened when we were in Don Henricos...I was looking at the mirror on the wall and saw RJ pass by behind me. RJ's a friend from high school & someone I dated way back and I haven't seen him in ages. I called him over and we had a little chit-chat. It was nice to see him again. :)

Anyhoodles...tomorrow, after I run whatever errands need to be run & I'll have access to my computer (because they might do renovations in my room), I'm going to geek out on Wikipedia and do a whole bunch of reading about really random things. I like to do that from time to time.

Movies I really want to watch right now: Across The Universe, Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (wait, when is it coming out again?), Spiderman 3, Factory Girl, Trainspotting, Shrek 3, Donnie Darko, and A Clockwork Orange. Oh and the newest Pirates of the Carribean movie. I love movies.

Beddy-bye awaits. Hopefully sleep will come easier tonight than it did last night. I want my heart back, but it's still a thousand miles away.