Organized Mess

You are not a bad person and I cannot hate you. You are what I want, but I won't have you if I can't have all of you. It's either we are or we aren't. Nothing in between. You are my friend and I want it to stay that way, no matter what happens. You are in my life and I want you to stay there, but right now you are not at the place where I want you to be. Hovering in a gray area, lines get blurred and I was beginning to lose my grasp on what I can and cannot do and hope and ask for. I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want to hurt you, so for the moment, let's just stick to a place where we know where we stand. Fix whatever you have to get fixed, and I'll find whatever I have to find.

I don't know what the future holds. I'll only know what's supposed to happen when it does happen. I do not have a crystal ball, I do not have all the answers - I only have this life to live and this time around I need to live it for me. Figuratively, my heart is in a safe that you keep in your basement. It's yours if you want it, but you won't be able to open that safe until I let you. And no, I can't let you. Not right now. Because you don't know what you want.

You and me, we are a chapter in my book that I do not want to add a note of finality to. We are a chapter in my book that I do not want to close for good; instead, merely bookmark. When the time is right, I'll go back to our chapter & the story will be allowed to play out, whether it be through the eyes of just friends or through the eyes of lovers, the way it was meant to be played out.