Organized Mess

88th - Leap

2008-02-29T04:19:00.003+08:00

Was thinking randomly (as always) in the car earlier, and came to the conclusion that it must suck to be born on February 29. Because, well...you only get your birthday every four years. In between the leap years, it doesn't really exist. Ergo, it sucks to be born on February 29.

Anyways!

Going to Hong Kong tomorrow. Another one of those surprise trips my mother sprung on me. Starting to think that I should get used to it, but at least I got a couple of days to get ready this time. Last year, I had less than 24 hours. I'm stoked, though. I've been wanting to visit HK again for quite some time now!

I have to squeeze in time to get a medical exam done (and THAT I am not looking forward to) and to finish my module for work before my flight. And did I mention I have to go to work as well? Good luck nalang sakin.

I had a dream last night...and will absolutely not reveal what it was about, but jeeeeeeeeeeebus what a dream.

There's someone I can't (annoyingly) stop thinking about. Never really paid any attention to him before; a stupid mistake on my part was passing judgement on him because of the people he's associated with, before I actually got a chance to talk to him. This is most probably just a silly schoolgirl crush. He's just so nice. And smart. And off limits. Hahaha. Darn it. Silly me.

87th - Contemplation

2008-02-27T06:53:00.006+08:00

Have been contemplating several things the past few days. I miss having time for myself, for my friends, for the things that I used to enjoy doing. Because ever since I've started work, I haven't had time for anything else...besides sleeping to get my energy back. And my job? Wicked stressful. It doesn't seem like it at first, but it's one of those things that you actually have to go through to get how much it beats the crap out of you, physically and emotionally. The most exhausting part about it is the constant smiling and pretending you're still fine and dandy and bubbly even if you're the exact opposite, and you're so tired you just want to lie down ANYWHERE and sleep. And resisting the urge to smack the wits out of stupid customers, especially those who think it's a-okay to take their anger out on some random stranger over a stupid cup of coffee.

And then there's the having to deal with people who work with you who aren't that...awesome. It just makes the things that are already bad a whole lot worse.

Although don't get me wrong. I still love my job, and there are times that I get reminded why I love it. I've just been contemplating. Nothing is set in stone.

In other news...I am loving Urbandub's "Evidence". Joko and Carla definitely know why. Haha. The three of us went to UP Fair a couple of weeks ago in the hopes of catching Urbandub perform and we waited and waited and kept telling ourselves that they were the next band onstage...but alas, we had to go home and still no Urbandub. :( I think they were the last band to perform. Rarrr. We all had work the next day, so we were all kinda lame and couldn't stay very late. Hehehe. UP Fair was an awesome time though. Yehey for perya games (and being absolutely terrible at them) and tarot cards that are scary accurate.

Am also loving "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles, thanks to Joko.

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry.

I gotta scoot. Toodles.

86th - Screw Hearts Day

2008-02-12T05:01:00.001+08:00

I just got back from a closing shift at work. Knackered and sleep-deprived. It's the way I've been for the last few days. Wah. Also have been more moody than ever, but maybe this is because it's February and I'm overwhelmed by memories of this month from last year, plus recent tiny turmoils going on in my life.

The 10th marked my grandpa's 9th death anniversary. Drove to Mandaluyong with relatives to visit his grave.

At the risk of sounding like your typical bitter singleton, screw Valentines day. Good thing I have work on the 14th so that I have a valid excuse when people grill me for not having a date. Like it's such a bad thing. The only thing I hate is that I'll surely be remembering Valentines day last year. Specifically, the person I spent it with.

You know what typical bitter singletons need, and need really badly? Amazing friends. I'm lucky enough to have those. Carla & Joko, remember "the pact". Iya and Alden and Eve and Jean and Faye and Jewels and everyone else whose company I enjoy, let's hang out sometime kasi miss ko na kayo!

I saw someone, after a long time of not a single peep. I thought it would be okay, I thought I had moved foward, but it was when he was standing just a few feet away that I felt like Pandora's box had been opened and I realized that I still feel a lot for him, and that I miss him. And now I can't stop missing him.

Takte. Ano ba ito. Confuzzlement! And this entry is pretty much one of those "blog for the sake fo blogging" posts, so I'll throw in a picture to make it a little less boring:

85th - HALLO!

2008-01-11T02:39:00.000+08:00

So the "save up" part of my resolutions for 2008 isn't off to a fantabulous start. Actually, it's off to an astoundingly BAD start. Darn it. MUST PUT IN MORE EFFORT INTO SAVING!

Went to Tagaytay earlier with Joko. Food, pictures and chika. Loves it. Diets cease to exist when you are with good friends, I swear. And what's a Tagaytay trip without stopping by Starbucks to harass our favourite barista, Uly? (But, Carla & Joko, dapat favourite barista nyo na rin ako!) Laughtrip with Uly over the "barista smile"! Such a shame that CB couldn't come along. She's at home with the sickies. GET WELL SOON, CARLA! WE HEART YOU HEAPS! Lesbos. Harharharhar.

Work is still a-ok, have decided not to waste my time with certain possibly problematic situations and am currently learning how to not have my blood boil whenever I encounter a stupid customer. There was one the other night that made one of the stupidest comments I've ever heard: "This doesn't smell like coffee." And it was regarding his tall Americano. That thing is made up of 2 shots of espresso and water. What the fuck. Then he changes his story and says that it doesn't taste like coffee, but his drink was still full to the brim and didn't look like it had been sipped at all, so how the hell could he have known what it tasted like? Anyways, he got his drink re-made in the exact same way I made it, and then he was like, "Okay, this is great." STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID! But other than random precious gems like that moron, things are still dandy.

I met someone. :) Let's see where it goes, yes?

I need to sleep! Going to watch the National Treasure sequel with Gracie tomorrow! Este later pala.

84th - Hello 2008!

2008-01-01T13:13:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2007, and hello 2008!

I have many, many resolutions for the new year. Keeping a positive state of mind so that I'm a happier person, not being afraid of love, quitting bad habits, working out regularly, etc.

2007 was mostly a bad year for me, although there were many amazing and fun moments throughout the duration of it. I did discover that I'm a tougher cookie than I thought I was, and I am definitely going to learn from the mistakes that I made this year.

I don't know if the beginning of 2008 can be considered an ultimately fresh start, but I guess it can be considered as an opportunity to cleanse ourselves of the grudges and negative bits of 2007. I don't hate him or her anymore; but at the same time I don't want to be friends with them. And I guess it's okay that way.

2008 is going to better. It has to be. It WILL be.

And as for materialism...I bought a Christmas/New Year present for myself: a phone! It's a spiffy piece of technology, I'm quite happy with it. Now I want new hair and a new tattoo, among other things. But let's start with the physical attributes muna. Harharhar!

83rd- Update?

2007-12-06T23:45:00.000+08:00

Here we go.

1. I have a job and it's where I have been 90% of the last couple of months. I work here:

So far, I love my job and the people I work with. It's heaps fun albeit tiring, and has now caused me to be some sort of crazed workaholic who can't even spend an entire day at home on her day offs without going insane from boredom. When I'm at home, I'm sleeping and if I'm not sleeping then I'm missing the store. I've gone bonkers.

2. My cousin gave birth almost 2 months ago to an adorable baby girl (who is like her mini-me!), who is now Martina Chloe Crisostomo.

3. There is a guy...and I like him? Hahaha. He is not what I have usually gone for in the past, and he has pissed me off more than once now, but still...I like him.

4. One downside of always being at work is that I haven't seen my friends for a loooooong time, and I miss them heaps, and so must make plans with each and every one of them soon!

5. Albeit I'm still a moody bitch, I'm generally a lot happier these days. I like it. I'm keeping things simple and appeciating the things that I have and trying not to let anything get to me so much. I have my random fits of semi-uncontrollable anger (like the other day, when I really had to hold myself back from bitchslapping some stupid woman who was taking forever withdrawing money from the ATM machine even though there was a looooongass line behind her) BUT...yeah, I'm happier now. :)

6. My parents will be coming here from HK and my aunt from England will also be visiting, for Christmas!

7. Aiming to get my hair cut and dyed again before the end of the year.

8. Over him, and the other him. Pretty much. I haven't seen both in quite awhile, but I've stopped drowning myself in the misery they have both caused me. Why should I? Did I even have to? No.

Okeydokey, that's all! For now! Toodles!

82nd - Guilty Survey (from Katie and Joko)

2007-11-02T08:38:00.000+08:00

Put an 'X' next to the things you have done or accomplished.

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) seen a shooting star
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas (went grocery shopping in hk)
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) Had alcohol
() laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
(x) been high
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
( ) flashed someone (unknowingly...)
( ) saw a therapist
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten stitches
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
() been to Disneyland
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x ) stolen something from your job (paperclips?)
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children (not literally... weh)
(x) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
( ) Driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi (love!)
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college (one of these frickin' days)
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
( ) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) miss someone right now

-----------

I swear, I'll write an actual post soon.

81st - Death To Early Morning Classes

2007-09-14T05:42:00.000+08:00

As the title says, death to early morning classes. I'm sitting in my room with a cup of coffee, and my eyes are all puffy from lack of sleep, and I'm killing time before I have to start getting ready for my 7am class and I want nothing more than to lie down and just sleeeeeeep.

In all honesty, I really don't want to go to school anymore. At least, the school that I'm going to now. Absolutely no motivation. Don't like the classes, don't like my schedule, don't like most of the people. Wala na talaga akong gana.

And I feel like I'm going to need about five more cups of coffee just to get through today. And another five to get through tomorrow.

Took photos at a videoshoot for Brian Josef's first single, Crazy But Incredible, from his first single. Brian's an upcoming solo artist, so watch out for him and his single. Can't wait to see the video. Oh, and since they needed more people for the party scenes, guess who was an extra? Yours truly. Hahaha. Hurrah for the free booze! Although, I really am going to stay off beer from now on. Well, I'll try.

Click for more photos from the vidshoot.

Time for me to scoot. Toodles.

Trouble is my middle name but in the end I'm not too bad
Can someone tell me if it's wrong to be so mad about you.

80th - Keep This In Mind

2007-09-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

This is a mean-ish phrase that is, more or less, politically incorrect but speaks the truth, hence I am putting it here because there are so many fools using the internet right now.

"Internet fighting is like the Special Olympics - even if you win, you're still retarded."

79th - 12 Years Old...Again

2007-09-07T02:28:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Hairspray (which rules!), I now have a thing for Zac Efron and his piercing blue eyes. Good Lord. He really pulls off the 60's dreamboy look, with the slicked back hair. And did I mention he has blue eyes? That are piercing? Because he does. *wipes drool* I'm considering actually watching the High School Musical movies now! Vanessa Hudgens is one lucky biatch.

Anyways.

I have to be at school by 5am. Crazy! So I'm not even going to bother with sleeping. Have a few things that must get done within this week. Like paying the SmartBro bill, projects, application for school vehicle sticker for car, study for exams, part-time job application, etc. Yes, I'm trying to find a part-time job application. Because I'm a starving "artist" slash starving college student. So there.

One of my bestfriends is going through a break-up and I am very, very tempted to go and kick the guy's ass for making her misreable.

I wanna watch Across The Universe so bad. Driving is fun (except in certain parts of Calamba) especially when I have Bloc Party playing. Almost 4 hours of standing and taking pictures during the CAS Student & Faculty Night earlier in school nearly killed my feet and back. I am stoked for the Fall Out Boy concert on the 21st!

I love baby Erika!

Katiekins, Joko and yours truly, in Starbucks (Greenbelt).

Callalily performing in Saguijo.

Before I sign off, as it's almost time for me to get ready and get my butt to school, let's go back to what the first paragraph of this blog was about...Zac Efron and his piercing blue eyes. Because I am going to end this post with something that will make all of you hate me and lose total respect for me. Ready? Here ya go!

Mwahahahahahaha! Toodles!

78th - Where Damage Starts

2007-09-05T04:20:00.000+08:00

Empathy and understanding are obviously not in your dictionary, and time and time again you condemn me because I have a different way of thinking. You're so narrow-minded you can't see beyond what you believe is right, and everyone who doesn't think like you is wrong. Even with explanations, you cannot comprehend the meaning of compromise and lack of self-control due to severe emotional pressure. You are not the only one with problems, you are not the only one with the right to feel bad when life gets too draining, and you are not the only one that gets crushed when you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Everything has to be about you yet you accuse me of being self-centered and selfish.

When I try to deal with my frustrations in my own way, even when it doesn't even concern you, you make it about you just as long as you can see it because it gives you a reason to pin something against me. You think it's okay for you to do what I do and then throw a fit when a word is spoken about it yet when I do it, it's a fucking crime. You claim that you cannot change your ways, yet you force me to change mine otherwise I suffer the consequences.

You don't wanna know what's really going on, because it might make you realize that there are some things that are meant to be forgiven. You would rather remain ignorant and hold onto those things so that you can use them one day. I am not innocent and neither are you.

I've realized that you're never gonna learn to practice what you preach. You're a hypocrite. You force values and morals onto one person but can't even follow the rules you laid out yourself. And then you wonder why the kids grow up to be so screwed up. You think age gives you authority...maybe it does, in SOME circumstances, but it doesn't always. People younger than you deserve respect too. Sooner or later, kids will turn into adults and the ones who are strong-willed enough will fight back.

You may not know me as well as you think you do, and that is one of the saddest things in the world (and if you did, then you would see that the person you need to save me the most from is myself), but let me tell you this...there are millions of things I would do for you and very little that I would not. If there's cash to spare, you will find that money has been deposited in your bank accounts, whether you asked for it or not; I will be there for any emergency, and all you'll need to do is call; and on any fucking day, of any fucking year, I will gladly take a bullet for you. So think about that the next time you yell at me and curse at me, the next time you accuse me of something that you are guilty of yourself, the next time you tell me that I don't care or that I'm a bad person, the next time you try to verbally or physically tear me into pieces for your own self-satisfaction. No matter how much you anger me, how much you make me cry, how much you break me in half, how much you try to degrade me...I will always keep in mind what you are to me, and I would rather draw my own blood than see yours spill.

I can't change who you are, or the things that you do, and I also cannot change what is between us.

You think that I have no heart, but tell me...whatever happened to yours?

77th - CSI Geek Alert

2007-08-29T05:05:00.000+08:00

Watching the episode where Speedle dies still breaks my heart into tiny little pieces. :(

Rory Cochrane/Tim Speedle, I love.

Oh, and..

♥♥

76th - Because Joko & Carla Said I Abandoned Blogspot..

2007-08-27T06:50:00.000+08:00

So, apparently, I'm supposed to update this thing. Whowouldathunkit.

Since my last post, I have...turned 19, done fashion shows, taken lots of photos, read a lot, edited a lot, gone out a few times, done unspeakable acts that felt good, learned to drive, dyed my hair, developed an unhealthy obssession with staring at pictures of clothes, and decided that I will learn to make my own clothes, turned my heart into stone for the most part of the days that I go through, etc etc.

I don't like being 19.

And now I have midterms coming up and a lot of proposals to write, and stuff to organize! Yay! School stuff! Excuse the stupid fake enthusiasm. It's needed. Trust me.

Body clock is completely screwed up. I stay up all night, then go to sleep at around 6am. Or later than 6am. Today being a fantastic example, as it is almost 7am and I'm not even remotely sleepy yet. Man. It was so much easier to sleep back in high school. Now...it's hard to fall asleep, and then when you do, it's even harder to wake up.

I think someone wants to be me. That someone is kinda pathetic (and kinda ugly) and amusing in the really sad way. Kudos for being a sneaky little fucker though. Nevertheless, she will never be me, no matter how hard she tries. Zing!

I want some frickin' Indian food. Now na! And to watch The Black Dahlia because the make-up and the hair and the clothes are all major, major LOVE. Scarlett J. is gorrrrrgeous..possibly moreso than Josh Hartnett, though he's pretty easy on the eyes too. Plus, that story is one of my favourite murder stories EVAH. I thank CrimeLibrary.com for my knowledge of notorious murder stories.

75th - Plastered

2007-07-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

Saturday night & Sunday were a total blast.

74th - Transformers!

2007-07-07T11:30:00.000+08:00

I watched it with Joko, Carla & Dino last Tuesday.

Though it was long...it kicked ass. So go watch!

73rd - Early Sunday Morning

2007-07-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

Here's to good sounds and the likes. Here's to new experiences. Here's to our new religion (haha). Here's to getting drunk! Which I've been wanting to do for a long time. Here's to the other state of mind and all that came with it.

Here's to being real awesome. And being better.

Because I am, fucker.

72nd - ..............

2007-06-24T23:56:00.000+08:00

I spent most of the day lying on my bedroom floor and staring up at the ceiling. I had only one train of thought, over and over again, and it was making me sick.

The only moment of peace I got was when I suddenly remembered that I hadn't made up my mind yet whether or not I should use the blue rug my mum gave me. But that moment passed after a few seconds.

No more feelings, no more words.

71st - Overload

2007-06-24T05:31:00.000+08:00

Not in a very descriptive mood, sooo...pictures galore.

June 9. Carla's birthday eve. Dinner in Italianni's, a treat from the birthday girl, then coffee in Figaro and then 19east to watch le Cebuanos. Haha. Heaps fun, of course, and lots and lots of pictures and Carla redeeming 19east.

June 12. 70's Bistro with Carla, Joko & Iya to watch 6cyclemind. The night was heaps fun; I was kinda out of it though because of my painkillers (I get migraines a lot).

June 16-17. Overnight stay in La Leona, a resort in Batangas. Also heaps fun. It was a good time indeed. Hurrah for T5! :P I heart swimming. And taking pictures.

June 21. How To Save A Life, a benefit concert for baby Robyn, held in Bagaberde Roxas Blvd. It was also a celebration of 6cyclemind's 6th-year anniversary, so congrats to the guys & the best of luck to baby Robyn. :)

School has started. Meh. I hate the first few days of the semester. They are either useless or really irritating. My sched is going to be re-arranged, which is a bother. Turns out that I'm not taking subjects that I should be taking, and I've got subjects that I shouldn't have. And one of my classes is being moved to a new timeslot which conflicts one of my other classes. Damn you, Perps!

So I've been reading a few things here & there. Unless you are someone important to me that I love and care for dearly, then I don't really give a fuck what you say about me. And the most that a lot of people can do is speculate and pretend they know what they're talking about, but they actually don't. I don't see the point in trying to defend myself; I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't done anything to them and, most of all, I don't owe them any explanations. And I know that even if I do offer explanations and whatnot, people will just believe what they want to believe anyways. So I'd just be wasting my time. If you've got a problem with me, or the things I say and do, or the people I spend time with, then YOU get help for it. Because it's YOUR problem, not mine. Become a bleep on my radar first before you get ANYTHING out of me.

70th - It Infiltrates Beauty

2007-06-09T01:56:00.000+08:00

After this blog, I'm going to get my butt into bed. Have a few things to get done tomorrow. Here's what I've been up to since I last posted.

Went on a roadtrip to Tagaytay with Joko & Carla last Saturday (June 3). We made a few stops that included breakfast in McDs along SLEX, Caleruega, Fantasy World, lunch in Taal Vista Lodge and then coffee in Starbucks. Sooooo many photos were taken. Hurrah! It was heaps fun & definitely the best day I've had in quite a bit. Carla & Joko, I luuuuuuurveee you two! Here are a few pics (there are more on my Multiply, as well as Joko and Carla's Multiply sites):

A few days ago, I went through my mum & dad's collection of old family photos and such. I was looking for a particular photo I couldn't stop thinking about which I didn't find...but instead I dug up something absolutely priceless. It's a photo of my great-grandmother (British side of the family) when she was a little girl, with her parents & siblings, and it was taken during the early or mid 1800s. I love it. I love it soooo much. I don't think I could ever let it go. I borrowed a bunch of photos from the collection; dunno what to do with them yet though. Old photos are one of my favourite things in the whole world, and this picture is a gem. Look!

And that is all. Hehe. I haven't really been up to much; stayed home a lot and did a shitload of reading about historical events and blah blah. Today I went out with the parentals & a cousin; I got a haircut, got a facial (and getting a facial hurts more than getting inked!), bought a canvas bag with a Jimi Hendrix design on it, new headphones & blank discs to backup the files in my hard-drive. Backing up takes bloody ages; I'm not even half-done yet. Bah humbug.

Right now...I am not happy and I am not sad. I don't know where that leaves me, but at least it's not as suffocating as how I felt last week.

Anyways...I'm off. Toodles.

69th - High Up Above Or Down Below

2007-06-02T02:22:00.000+08:00

I wish school would start already, just so that I could drown myself in textbooks and notes and homework. Then the thinking and the overanalyzing resulting in emotional hypersensitivity and crying episodes wouldn't be so constant, or so maddening. Or so breaking. Life hurts a lot right now, in many different ways. Hence, painkillers are my new best friend...again.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Goddammit.

68th - Mid-Year Slump

2007-06-01T03:06:00.000+08:00

Why is that when I find something good for me, it's either not the right time for me to have it, it wasn't meant for me at all or it's not what I thought it was in the 1st place? Or, simply...it just gets taken away.

Summer's gone, rainy season's rolled in and the cold is starting to seep into my system. I feel utterly and completely lost and, to be honest, there are times when I don't even know why. I just feel it. And every night I find myself going to sleep with a heavy heart.

I'm not trying to be emo. I'm not trying to be anything. It's just how it is.

67th - This Is The Classic "Wrong Timing" Case

2007-05-29T12:21:00.000+08:00

You are not a bad person and I cannot hate you. You are what I want, but I won't have you if I can't have all of you. It's either we are or we aren't. Nothing in between. You are my friend and I want it to stay that way, no matter what happens. You are in my life and I want you to stay there, but right now you are not at the place where I want you to be. Hovering in a gray area, lines get blurred and I was beginning to lose my grasp on what I can and cannot do and hope and ask for. I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want to hurt you, so for the moment, let's just stick to a place where we know where we stand. Fix whatever you have to get fixed, and I'll find whatever I have to find.

I don't know what the future holds. I'll only know what's supposed to happen when it does happen. I do not have a crystal ball, I do not have all the answers - I only have this life to live and this time around I need to live it for me. Figuratively, my heart is in a safe that you keep in your basement. It's yours if you want it, but you won't be able to open that safe until I let you. And no, I can't let you. Not right now. Because you don't know what you want.

You and me, we are a chapter in my book that I do not want to add a note of finality to. We are a chapter in my book that I do not want to close for good; instead, merely bookmark. When the time is right, I'll go back to our chapter & the story will be allowed to play out, whether it be through the eyes of just friends or through the eyes of lovers, the way it was meant to be played out.

66th - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

2007-05-28T18:38:00.000+08:00

Love of mine, some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark.

65th - What I Need To Do More Of

2007-05-27T03:10:00.000+08:00

Smile. Laugh. Because I really don't think I do enough of it.

64th - In This State of Mind

2007-05-27T01:32:00.000+08:00

........

Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape. I think I was just an escape.

63rd - Update Schmupdate

2007-05-22T08:38:00.000+08:00

So what have I been up to since my last post?

House renovations are still driving me mad. MAD. When the entire house had to be painted, I had to sleepover at people's houses because the smell of the paint made me sick. So thank you to those who let me sleepover. You guys are awesome. Haha. Now my room is a minty sort of green (it's cute). Now the only things left to do, for my room, are the floors & the shelves.
My parents are back from Hong Kong...and this time they're staying here for good. Picked them up at the airport yesterday. And my dog, Ginger, was with them too! Awww I missed her heaps! Poor baby was so frightened about the whole trip. She seems to be settling in quite well though.
May 18, I went to Gweilos with Joko, Iya, and Carla to watch 6cyclemind play. The night was lotsa fun. Camwhoring, swapping stories, teasing the hell out of each other, foooood! I love my friends. I love seeing my friends. Oh, and I love prayer meetings too. Heeheehee! Let's not get into details about that. ANG PANGET NG BOYFRIEND MO! And the explicit version of Nina's "Someday". Funny!
Went through a few days of being very, very down. Due to a lot of things. I'm hoping I won't have to feel like that again for quite awhile.
I have decided to put up with one more semester of school in Laguna. Enrolled a few days ago. Full load this sem. Argh. Good luck to my life.

Here are pictures from May 18:

Second cousins!

I don't even like Robin Padilla. But I guess that was the point.

Hurrah for looking like 'tards!

Sardines picture with Carla, Joko & Chuck.

We are FIIIEEERRCCEEE!!!

Me, Iya, Joko & Carla. We rule. Oh yes we do.

For Joko! Yehey! Hahaha!

And even though it's a day late...HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, KATIEKINS! :)

Anyhoodles, that's all for now. Toodles!

62nd - In The Words of Morrissey..

2007-05-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Monday, humiliation.
Tuesday, suffocation.
Wednesday, condescension.
Thursday is pathetic.
By Friday, life has killed me.
By Friday, life has killed me.

61st - Today...

2007-05-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

...was NOT the best day I've had in my life. In fact, today kinda sucked major ass.

I hate house renovations. I hate cement being everywhere. I hate having to move everything out of my room & then move them back in again. I hate dust. I hate that dust makes my skin break out. I hate that no matter how many times I've mopped the floor & wiped surfaces, they are still dusty. I hate that my back is acting up because of the mopping that I did. I hate that there's still MORE renovations to be done. I hate that I don't even have a door yet. I hate that Perps still hasn't given me my clearance. I hate that I don't know which way to go. I hate going around in circles. I hate it when things are taken too seriously when they shouldn't be. I hate being far away from him. I hate it when people nag and nag and NAG me to eat when I'm not hungry at all. I hate it when no one gets that kitchen & bathroom hygiene and cleanliness IS vital. I hate it when the car alarm goes off. I hate it when people use the car for no reason at all and I'm the one that has to pay for gas. I hate small spaces. I hate being caged in.

60th - Bday Greetings & Spidey

2007-05-03T11:30:00.001+08:00

A day late (in MY timezone) but nevertheless...

And I cannot believe we have known each other for four years now. Jebus, how time flies! You are still pretty much a perv. I love it! Hahahahaha. Stay awesome, Riley. Hire me to do your album art, yes? :P

Sooo yesterday...ran a few errands and then went to Perps to get my letter signed so that I can finally get my clearance. The school director's secretary kept the letter & told me to go back on Friday. Sigh. Fine.

After Perps, I went to SM Sta Rosa to meet up with Sweet. Since she wasn't there yet, and my depression was threatening to swallow me whole (as well as the urge to buy something), I spent way too much on clothes. And this is why missing someone & house renovations are really bad for me - I either eat too much or shop too much. I musn't do any more shopping this month. Budgeting is such a bitch. :(

When Sweet arrived, we ate dinner & then watched Spiderman 3. I don't really have much to say on the movie...except that I haven't seen 1 & 2 but now I will because I am officially in LURVE with James Franco.

Someone's back. I got a text last night while I was in the cinema that made me heaps happy. :)

That is all for now. Toodles!

59th - My Lovelies

2007-05-01T03:55:00.000+08:00

I spent most of the day all bothered, upset & very pissed off (especially during late afternoon) but getting together with Joko & Carla made me feel loads better. The three of us needed to have some sort of celebration dinner (hehehehe!) so we went to Don Henricos and PIGGED OUT. And really, we ate a LOT. I was so full of buffalo wings, pizza & onion rings at the end of dinner and then we went to Starbucks afterwards for fraps & more of what we do best: taking pictures & non-stop talking. Hahahahaha. If good friends are hard to find, AMAZING friends are even harder...hence, I'm bloody lucky I found these two. Joko & Carla, thanks for everything you've done and for putting up with me despite the tantrums, random bouts of hysterical crying in public places, bitchiness, moodiness, etc. etc. Our friendship is something that can last a lifetime, and I sincerely hope it does.

Oh, something kinda surprising but in the cool way happened when we were in Don Henricos...I was looking at the mirror on the wall and saw RJ pass by behind me. RJ's a friend from high school & someone I dated way back and I haven't seen him in ages. I called him over and we had a little chit-chat. It was nice to see him again. :)

Anyhoodles...tomorrow, after I run whatever errands need to be run & I'll have access to my computer (because they might do renovations in my room), I'm going to geek out on Wikipedia and do a whole bunch of reading about really random things. I like to do that from time to time.

Movies I really want to watch right now: Across The Universe, Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (wait, when is it coming out again?), Spiderman 3, Factory Girl, Trainspotting, Shrek 3, Donnie Darko, and A Clockwork Orange. Oh and the newest Pirates of the Carribean movie. I love movies.

Beddy-bye awaits. Hopefully sleep will come easier tonight than it did last night. I want my heart back, but it's still a thousand miles away.

58th - I Heart

2007-04-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

Wednesday, April 25. Metrowalk with cousins (Ate Marian, Sahrika & Tibs) and Tito Jojo. Yummy dinner in Yoohoo! And then drinks in Phibar for Ate Marian & Tibs and white chocolate caramel ice-cream for me. We tried to get Sahrika to pose for a pic with beer & cigs (she's only 11) but we failed. Darnit. I parted ways from la familia for awhile to hang out in Mugen with Alden & Gracielle when they arrived. I heart Alden, he entertains me so. I'm mean to him but that is our friendship in a nutshell. Harharhar! It was very nice to meet Gracielle & I sincerely hope there will be more Mugen-like sessions, only longer & possibly in other places. Anonymous phone calls! Rockstar in shorts! Handhug!

Thursday April 26. 6cyclemind gig in Office Grill. I watched and so did second-cousin Iya, whom I (unfortunately) don't get to see very much. She was acting as a proxy for Joko who couldn't be there to tease the hell out of Chuck. There were many things said & done and about 95% of it all made me laugh. "He cheated on me" was said 1238129312 times (yes, I counted...durrr :P) onstage & offstage. The things learned about someone and how "wild" he is - I will never look at him the same way again. I love it when Iya demanded for a couples-like shot, and yelled at Tutti to grab a chair and sit. Hahahaha! I heart 6cyclemind gigs. I heart Grandpa & Second-Cousin aka Chucky & Iya.

AND BECAUSE MIDNIGHT IS VERY NEAR....

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

It has been one year since Carla, Joko & I (aka The Powerpuff Girls / Pussyket Dolls / Awesome Possum Threesome) got together and formed an amazing bond and an amazing friendship that has been tested many times but yet hasn't been broken. And I hope it never will. I remember April 29 last year and where Joko REALLY was (harharhar!) hence I met Carla...and then the 3 of us found ourselves in Agora Mall amidst really scary people. Joko and Carla, I heart you two lots and lots. Thank you for everything. Mwah. We shall celebrate our anniversary soon!

57th - Head Versus Heart

2007-04-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

Okay, mini-rant. I HATE GLOBE. Sorry, Carla, pero tangina...it's so hard to get a signal nowadays! And also...I don't like my slide phone anymore. I want a new phone. NOW. Something that doesn't go all psycho on me by mixing up my messages. Grrr. Powta.

Moving on.

Oh, I forgot to blog about Tia Maria. Carla, Ana, Joko and I went there to watch our favourite le cebuanos perform, after invading Jay & Jhunjie's house and then having yummy shawarma rice for dinner in Ababu. Ruben got me an alarm clock. Yehey! Hahahaha. Sorry....but I don't have an alarm clock (except for the alarm in my phone). And we all camwhored...to the highest level. We're always camwhores but, for some reason, we were worse that night. Especially Carla and Joko. Ahem ahem. As for me...I ate so much that night. I am not kidding. Hahaha. Ever since I got back from Boracay, I've been pigging out non-stop. But today I am back to dieting. Anyhoodles...after the gig in Tia Maria, I sleptover at Jay & Jhunjie's house (because I was basically homeless...long story). I slept on the sofa in the living room where Ana and Omeng (aka Chicky and Nini) also slept. The next day, Ana and I watched the guys get ready to leave for the airport for a gig in Cebu.

More pics from Tia Maria & the morning after.

Lesbian "We Love Joko" action!

Molesting me. Of course.

Awesome picture of the 4 of us.

Jay was being gross. Hence my expression.

The failure of a man to get a taxi. Hahahaha!

I met someone that day. At his house. And it was very...WEIRD. Never would I have imagined meeting her, NOT strangling her and NOT freaking out over the fact that I met her AT HIS HOUSE. If you guys know who I'm talking about, then tell me...very strange, yes?

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave

And you can't find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
No, you can't find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along.

Katiekins & I were bitching about guys last night. For some reason, it's like a few certain guys in our lives are PMSing. If guys had to go through PMS, that is.

I bought the new Good Charlotte CD yesterday. I love it. I can't stop singing "Keep Your Hands Off My Girl". And I am loving Hellogoodbye SO much right now.

Erik Santos covered "Next In Line" by Afterimage. Tama ba yun? I hate him for doing that, because he's just going to ruin it. Especially with the video. Him making puppy eyes or "sultry" eyes at the camera while singing his ballad-ish, pop-ish version of the song. Powta.

Anyways...that is all. Toodles!

PS. Naloka ako sa Sunday Sessions ng 6cyclemind last night. Because of Ney and his constant hirits of "He cheated on me." Jebus. Hahahahaha! Aliw.

56th - The Boracay Trip

2007-04-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

I really have to write more often in this blog again. Everytime I open up Blogger and start writing an entry, I realize how much time has passed since I last wrote and how much I have to write about...and then I can't be arsed to blog anymore.

Therefore...this blog is dedicated entirely to our Bora trip!

Got there on the 10th, came back on the 15th. Boracay Island is BEAUTIFUL. Now I understand why people keep wanting to go back even though it's such a hot spot for tourists now. I didn't want to leave at all. In fact, I want to LIVE there. I'm really not much of a beach person, but somehow spending a few days on the island has given me the urge to hang out as much as I can on a beach. And go swimming. Oh how I miss swimming. I love how it felt like all our problems disappeared as soon as we got there and how we just laughed so much and so hard and bonded fabulously. And let's not forget the luuuuurrrrveeee that happened. There was plenty of love goin' around. Hahaha.

Summary of the summer getaway: Yellow team. Then there was a pink team. Waiting for Noy in Kalibo. Napping in the van ride from Kalibo to Caticlan. Camwhoring. Yummy food. Swimming. Sunbathing. Sand castles. Getting buried in sand. Noy & Omeng using my flip-flops to shovel sand. Noy's self-made dictionary (pong-pong, poloptious, asindero, goo googles, etc.). Cocomangas. Pinacoladas and frozen margaritas. The search for Champ. Mommy Ana, Daddy Omeng and Romana (that would be me!). Boracay Courtyard. Le Carmela de Boracay. No charger. Henna tattoos. Lonely Planet coffee. Joven. The search for Lizter. The debate over Cebuanos. Shooting hoops. Swedish massage. Lovers' moments. 5th wheel and waiting in the bathroom. Evening stroll on the beach. Scary headless picture that got deleted. Dancing in Cocomangas. Omeng and I getting "married" for about 5 mins to get rid of the guy who was trying to hit on me. "Can I buy you a drink?" "Is he the husband?" Noy and Omeng having to go back to Manila. Me getting sick. Happy hour at Cocomangas. Not so happy anymore because of the blasted fever. Lying on the sand. Sleeping the rest of the day away. Chucky calling & waking all of us up the next day. Massage on the beach. Catching up. Callalily and their henna tattoos. Sunbathing and swimming. The tanning lotion that smells like dessert. Seeing the Upside Down video on TV for the first time (I'm in the video!). The hilarious recording on Carla's phone with our comments. Dinner. The "Spaniard". Making Alden sleep in our room. Chuck being a bully to Alden hahaha. 1am massages. Breakfast at Jony's and their yummy milkshakes. More sunbathing and swimming. Chuck's "Dancing With The Stars" moment. Indian food for lunch. Naptime. Tanduay gig. Walking into a pole. Upside Down playing on a big screen. Carla almost leaving her BPI card in the sand. Good times backstage. Chuck's suspenders. Last hours. Our holy seatmate. Pretending to sleep cos of the "pasaway" holy seatmate. Taking our time getting on & off the plane and collecting our baggage. Back to reality.

And when I was closing the door of the hotel room when we were leaving, I turned for a last look and almost couldn't move my feet. I didn't want to go. At all.

There were soooo many pictures taken, and they are on my Multiply and Carla's...but those are for contacts only & such, so the pics in this entry are only a select few.

Oh, Bora. I fell in love with you. We shall be back...that is a definite. We're already planning our next trip. Woohoo! :D

55th - Summer Getaway!

2007-04-09T11:56:00.000+08:00

I am off to Boracay tomorrow. COMMENCE FUN IN THE SUN!

54th - Life's Randomness

2007-03-26T10:52:00.000+08:00

I love Marilyn Manson's remake of "This Is Halloween". Also love Fiona Apple's remake of "Sally's Song" and Fallout Boy's remake of "What's This?" And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's all to do with the soundtrack for "The Nightmare Before Christmas". I looooove that movie. SO MUCH.

Anyhooooooodles...I am currently in Laguna. Been here since Saturday evening. I'm trying to clear my head and all. So far, it's working. Things feel better....slightly. They would be loads better if I could just forget how depressed I was just a few days ago. But I'm telling myself to stop dwelling over it. Shit happens. Life can suck majorly. I just have to keep on moving. Right? Right.

I'm falling in love with Silverchair songs all over again. I've been listening to "Neon Ballroom" over and over since last night. "Paint Pastel Princess" is still my favourite track off the album (although "Steam Will Rise" is a close second). "It's only self-rejection, with a mean left; cold carbon copied coping, and it's mean theft that's been left behind."

I've made peace with someone, and it turns out that we have LOADS more in common than him. We had a long chat yesterday and it was great fun. I felt like we were on the same wavelength about everything. I won't say who she is, for now, but she knows who she is. :)

I feel like I've seen everyone except for the person I really want to see. And that kinda sucks. Sana makita ko siya sometime soon, yes?

I'm doing the whole Adsense thing now, since Carla was making kulit to me to sign up for it. So you guys know what to do, right? Clickity click away!

Ratsky Morato the other night with my lovelies was loads of fun. Yay for finally meeting Wency Cornejo and getting a picture with him! And the morroccan chai tea thingymajig in The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf is super yummy. Just had to throw that little tidbit in. Overpriced nga lang. Hahahahaha.

16 days until we go to Boracay!

Anyhoodles, a few pics from Ratsky before I go.

Look Ma, I'm made of wax.

My favourite picture of us!

With Wency Cornejo.

Really, we love Carla's boobs.

Camwhoring in Joko's car, on the way home. Harharhar!

53rd - You Losers

2007-03-22T16:33:00.000+08:00

So I've therefore concluded that people are really lame. Well, a LOT of people are really lame (because there are a select few that are totally awesome).

I'm still the ones that psychotics want to fight with over/because of/in relation to a certain someone, even after all the time that has passed. Even if our thing is over. Even after I've already moved on.

I kicked someone out of my life, and to be harshly honest, I'm glad I did.

A lot of people seem to be bothered by me being friends with another certain someone, and hanging out with that person. Some people think it's okay to stalk/obssess over my life, which isn't really all that interesting to stalk/obssess over. Some people think it's okay to get in the way of things, to get in MY way, to get in between me and the people in my life who matter. And all I can say is FUCK YOU. Go get your own life. Leave mine alone.

A lot of things aren't okay. But I'm keeping my head up. I'll just work to make them okay again.

52nd - Not So Planned

2007-02-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

Guess where I am? Hong Kong. Haha. My mum calls me up at work on Friday, and before I know it I'm on a plane headed to the 852 the next day. Do I give a new meaning to the words "short notice" and "spontaneous"? I should hope so. Hah. Anyhoodles, shall be back in Philippines by March 2. I need to be back there by the first week of March.

I miss everyone. I miss Carla and Joko and Chuck. I miss baby Erika. I miss my computer. I miss my bed. I miss Verses. Basta I miss a lot of things.

Haven't left the house since I got here, everything's closed due to the Lunar New Year. Oh, and KUNG HEI FAT CHOI!! to everybody pala. Hehe. Anyhoodles...I will be going out tomorrow though, to meet up with Julie. Also contacted Tako last night, will definitely be getting together with her as I have missed that girl lots and lots. It's such a shame Elle isn't here anymore (I miss you, Punk Rock!).

Hopefully will be able to do a bit of shopping while I am here. Harharhar. On the way home from the airport, I managed to get myself 2 pairs of shoes. Wheee! I love shoes.

Been watching an insane amount of Smallville. My aunt bought the DVDs of season 5 and 6. Hell yeah!

Carla told me I'm happier these days, and I guess I am. I'm a lot more tired and sleep-deprived and stressed (sometimes), but happier because I don't have the heavyweight that was my past relationship dragging me down anymore. Moving on is awesome. And in the words of Liz Phair, "Isn't this the best part of breaking up? Finding someone else you can't get enough of, someone who wants to be with you too."

And I'm not going to deny it, someone else has played a big role in helping me move forward from the mess I was stuck in for almost a year. I've spent a lot of time with that someone during the last few weeks, and I've got to admit that some of those times have been the happiest since I moved to Philippines. Like I said in my previous blog, it's nice to have someone who takes you away. And he does take me away. Literally away, sometimes. Like all the way to Tagaytay. Hahaha. We're not together TOGETHER but I'm happy with the set-up we have now. No expectations. It's refreshing.

However it's kinda terrifying in a way, because I know there's always a balance. Happy one day, depressed the other. Or something along those lines. Basta, I just know that I'll sink back into depression one of these days and hopefully it'll be for a better reason other than some egomaniac womanizer. And also, well...everyone knows how scary it can get when you're at the point where you're not quite in love, but you're developing feelings...and you keep telling yourself to not fall, because you don't know what could happen on impact...but the leap looks so tempting at times.

Anyhoodles...I think I've written enough for now. Toodles!

PS. Please join Verses' multiply at http://versesband.multiply.com, and add them up on Friendster (versesband@gmail.com) aaaaand go to their shows! They have one in Phi Bar, Metrowalk tomorrow evening. It would mean a lot, and the band is good, so go naaaah!

51st - Work, Finally.

2007-01-11T01:31:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to HK anymore. I found a job here (thanks to Jeman) as a graphic artist. My plane ticket expires in March, so maybe I will be able to visit the 852 before March. MAYBE.

The job is pretty cool, although I work practically 24/7 and I'm really tired a lot of the time these days. But basically, I'm getting paid to play with Photoshop and I don't have to worry about food because we get that for free. Plus, I welcome the distraction it gives me so I don't think of...something. And someone.

I do not, however, like the fact that I have to be in at 7am tomorrow (usually it's 8am or 9am) and I'm in LAGUNA right now. Therefore, I have to leave the house at an ungodly hour in the morning. Which means I really should be sleeping if I want to be more than half-dead when I get to the office, but of course I'm still on the computer. We don't have the interweb yet in the office, so I'm making the most out of the familia's broadband connection. Hah.

And even though I'm kinda up to my neck with work at the moment, I'm still trying to squeeze in a few gimiks here and there. Sorry, but I love my social life way too much to abandon it completely for work. Hehehe.

That's all for now. Toodles!

50th - New Year, New Life

2007-01-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

I finished reading Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" today. SUCH A GOOD BOOK. Arrrgghhh. I think I just might read it again. And then read all his other books.

Ah, so it's 2007. New year, new life - in a way. At the top of my list of resolutions? Self-respect. Somebody, more or less, lectured me on it a few days ago. I decided to listen to him and to my friends who had been trying to tell me the same thing for months. It finally sunk in. I met someone who ripped me away from myself and, in the process, stripped me of most of the respect I had for myself. I got my heart broken in some of the worst ways possible. What's even more fucked? I let it happen over and over again. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

But enough is enough and I'm moving on. I deserve better. I'm getting that self-respect back.

49th - South Stops

2006-12-29T22:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday: Went to Batangas with the family. The parentals looked at land they're interested in buying. It was in the forest. I'm not kidding. Therefore, I had to do a little hiking. Oh man. Anyhoodles...if ever my parents move there, I'm so not going to. I will go and live in Manila. Which just goes to show how different I am from the parentals...they don't like being around a lot of people and they don't enjoy noise and I'm the opposite.

After Batangas, we went to Tagaytay so my parents could buy barako coffee and beef from Mahogany Market. Then the family went home and I met up with Joko at the gasoline station in Mamplasan along SLEX. After coffee and dinner, we went to GMA Cavite to watch 6cyclemind. Chuck got a new phone and it's spiffy. Ang yabang. I was thoroughly amused by the things that Joko and Chuck said and did last night.

Sleptover at Joko's. Watched "Down With Love" but I went to bed before it finished.

Batangas.

Batangas.

Batangas.

She kept moving & the shades kept slipping off.

SO CUTE.

Me with D&D and her big sis.

I love this baby more than any of you combined.

In Joko's car on the way to Cavite.

Joko, in Cavite, backstage.

Chuck tinkering with his new phone. Yabang. Haha.

Joko: Chuck, you look very gay in this picture.

Joko and me.

Today, before going home, had coffee with Joko and her friends, Dino & Abby. Then got home. I love my new digicam and fish-eye lomo cam. Also, I got a phone upgrade. I now have a Nokia 6288 which is almost the same as my old phone, just...improved. And cuter. Haha. Anyhoodles...bedtime. I'm tired. Toodles!

48th - Yuletide

2006-12-25T20:09:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the year again.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FOO!

Somehow this Christmas doesn't really feel like Christmas, but nevertheless I had a pretty good day. Kuya Alvin taught me how to play a racing game on his PlayStation and I kept alternating between kicking ass and getting my ass kicked. Then went to pick my parents up at the airport. When we got home, it was opening-pressies time. Along with my pretty new pocket-sized Pentax camera, my parents gave me another camera: lomo cam with fish-eye lens! So friggin' cute. Ahluvet! Also got a kickass bottle of Guess perfume, make-up and leather make-up bag, jewellery, etc. My aunt in Hong Kong gave me a pair of silver hoop earrings. So pretty. And one of the people my mum works with got me an awesome pen from Shanghai Tang. And the stuff there is not cheap at all.

Oh, and I think I'm getting a new phone. So, basically, I'm really spoiled.

I feel kinda bad, though, because I haven't bought anyone presents...yet. But I will.

Despite my mind being totally preoccupied and me missing someone I really shouldn't be missing, I'm generally happy right now.

Anyhoodles, here are some pictures I took today with my new digital camera. Loves it.

On the way back home from the airport & testing out my camera.

My dad likes to make flattering faces for pictures.

Put the baby in the washing machine.

Me and baby D&D (Death & Destruction - seriously, that's my nickname for her).

Have a happy Christmas, guys.

PS - Had some much-needed comfort food earlier after getting home from the airport. Turkey + the awesome stuffing my mum makes and brussel sprouts. Yup. Those two are included in my list of "comfort food". Yummy.

47th - Vampireeeeee

2006-12-22T15:42:00.000+08:00

I switched on the telly...just as "Interview With A Vampire" was starting on Cinemax.

I LOVE THAT MOVIE. LOOOOOOOOVE.

I haven't seen it in ages, and basically shooed away everyone that tried to talk to me until the movie was finished. Ahhh Brad Pitt. Ahhh Antonio Banderas. Ahhh Christian Slater. Tom Cruise can go away - I'm not too fond of him. I think I'll buy the DVD and watch it practically everyday of my life. Just like how I constantly watch Buffy and Angel re-runs just to swoon over Spike.

I don't even care how lame I sound right now.

Okay, now I'm beginning to realize what my fetish is all about.

Going to Tagaytay in a few hours with my 2 lovelies, Joko and Carla. And possibly my cousin if I can wake her up because she's zonked out right now. Baliktad ang gabi at umaga sa bahay namin.

I'm getting a new camera soon. Yayyyyyy.

46th - Again

2006-12-19T00:07:00.000+08:00

I'm shaking, but I don't know if it's because it's actually cold here right now, or because of something else. Or someone.

I've re-discovered this song.

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
You got much closer than I thought you did
I'm in your reach
You held me in your hands

But could you find it in your heart
To make this go away
And let me rest in pieces?

45th - Blah blah recap blah blah

2006-12-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

Recap of the last few days:

11/12 (Monday) - Soupstar Night at Mayrics. Carla couldn't go because she was sick. Joko and I were "wallflowers" for most of the night. I wasn't feeling well. Chuck let me have some of the risotto that Joko got for him. Yay. But we were highly entertained by a very drunk member of Paraluman. Afterwards, went to Metrowalk with Joko, Pot, Alden and Boloy for food.

12/12 (Tuesday) - Phi Bar with Carla, Joko and Norelle. It was nice to see Norelle again; it's been months since we last met and it was a shame she had to leave Phi so soon because of work. We (awesome possum threesome) got drunk, especially Carla. She fell asleep during Cueshe's 2nd set. Hahaha. Damn that "Liquid Cocaine" that the bartender recommended. I think that's what did us in (we're NOT heavy drinkers - contrary to popular belief). Then to follow it with cocktails and beer? Good luck. I vaguely remember trying to drag Carla off of the sofa in the VIP room and washing her face with cold water in the bathroom.

13/12 (Wednesday) - Metrowalk again. Also, Joko graduated from culinary school that day so CONGRATULATIONS, MISS JOKO! And it was Pat's 18th birthday that day, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS PAT! Chuck got addicted to the games set around Metrowalk. Went to Ratsky Malate afterwards and saw our favourite Cebuano boys.

The other night, he took me home. Even offered to get out of the cab and walk me to my door, but I said no. For some reason I can't pinpoint, a lot of things feel different with him. But not in a bad way.

Ahh a week and a few more days before Christmas. As usual, I don't feel the Christmas spirit. Ohhhh wellllllll.

44th - Angels & Devils

2006-12-11T11:16:00.000+08:00

Last night, while I was using the computer in Kuya's room:

Kuya Alvin: Miks, simbang gabi tayo this year!
Tibot: Gago, wag. Baka masunog pa yan.

Me? MOI?! Burn in a church? When I am so sweet and nice and angelic*? Pssshhh! I scoff at those who do not see the halo that floats above my head**.

* Sweet and nice and angelic = Evil bitch
** Halo that floats above my head = horns growing out of my head

Camwhoring in one of the ATC bathrooms.

Carla and Joko are the real angels. *cough*YEAHRIGHT*cough*

You know how when you're temporarily suspended in between being indifferent but okay and absolutely depressed? That's kinda where I'm at right now. All I need is a little nudge to go to the extreme.

I'm remembering last week. It was taking all of me to not give in, but I did anyways. Maybe because I needed it. Or maybe not. The point is, it just goes to show that when it comes to him, I'm not as strong as I like to believe that I am. I hated how fucking right it felt to be there, because it's not supposed to feel right. Before we said goodbye, he kissed me and said something I never thought he'd say again. I remember, last month, when he said he couldn't say those words to me anymore because I wouldn't believe him anyways and would just think he's playing around.

Is he still playing around? Probably.

Do I believe him? No. I'd be a fool to. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to.

I love how this post started off with me poking fun at myself, and then ended really....emo. Hahahaha. Pathetic.

43rd - Tuliro

2006-11-30T14:00:00.000+08:00

Why "Tuliro"? Because it's been stuck in my head, playing over and over and over again, since last night. I'm trying to blast as many songs (and as loud as possible) that don't sound at all like it just to get rid of the LSS.

I've been told to not go out today because of the so-called "super" typhoon that's supposed to hit Philippines today. I'm praying it won't be Typhoon Milenyo Part 2 because that would really suck. Although I've been constantly looking out the window and so far...no sign of a bigass typhoon. It's just gotten a little windy. And a bit of rain. We shall see. I have my iPod and all my phone's batteries charged just in case the electricity goes bust again. See, I'm prepared. Haha. I'm such a technology-driven teenager. It's sick.

Ugh. I want to go out...but I don't really have anywhere to go today. Sad. I'm starting to hate my room and that's usually a sign that I need to get out of the house for a few days so I can go back to liking it again.

I spent about 15 minutes earlier, looking at my phone and trying to decide if I should give him a call or not. I decided not to. But it took all of my willpower to not pick up the phone and dial his number, and I cracked and called him anyways. While his phone was ringing, I remembered the dream I had a few nights ago...and I hung up the phone. So I guess that's what I'll do from now on. Everytime my willpower fails me (when it comes to him), I will just think of that dream. Hopefully, it'll never stop scaring me.

Apparently, I'm terrible with not just relationships, but break-ups too. That's not fair.

Joko, Carla and I need to spend a few days at Joko's farm in Tagaytay. And make that "Pasensiya Na" video. Haha. It'll be awesome. The three of us went on a roadtrip to Batangas last week and I had a ridiculously good time. And now I want pizza. Ooooh how random of me.

Still looking for a job. I've already applied to a few places. Fingers crossed, people. Oh, and I'm going to be in a fashion show on December 5, at the MTV Summit.

This is me trying (and failing) to write a post that has some significance. Uhhh..yeah. But since my head is really starting to hurt, and I think I want to watch Smallville, I'll just post a few pictures from our Batangas roadtrip and then go.

Yours truly and Joko, backstage at the MMS Music Fest thing.

SLEX stop-over, to get food. Hah.

Doing the Chicken Dance. Not really.

Hi, best picture ever.

"52 minutes?!"

6cyclemind onstage.

6cyclemind onstage.

A shirtless Chuck being all, "You can't be me, I'm a rockstar!"

And, uhhh, me. Looking gorgeous. Ooh sarcasm.

42nd - Hollowed

2006-11-28T02:34:00.000+08:00

I took a long-ish nap earlier, and had a disturbing dream. Actually, not dream. More like a nightmare. About him, of course.

Where we were, the people in it...they just seemed so dead and hollow. But that doesn't compare to the last part, where there were two of him. It was like his entire being had been split into two. One was his evil side, the other his good side. And good was so much weaker than evil. Good just watched as Evil took control of me. He brought a knife across my throat and disappeared right after. Only Good was left behind, and he couldn't do anything but say "I'm sorry" over and over again, but I was already dying.

That's how fucking MORBID and creepy as hell it was.

Maybe it's my subconscious trying to push what I already knew, deep down, to the very surface. That he really does have two faces, but his bad side overshadows his good side way too often. And as Joko said, "At the end of the day, he can't do anything but say sorry, because it's over. You're over." Because I was already dying.

Just to make this post even more twisted than it already is...no matter what, I miss him so much that it's overwhelming. Yes, I really do. He called me the other night, while I was in Batangas, and I didn't know it was him. I expected someone else. But when I heard his voice on the line...I can't even explain the feeling I got.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all. After lying in bed for about two hours, wide awake, I gave up and sat in my room. The radio was on in the living room. A certain song came on. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Don't you just hate that? When you want to cry so badly, but you can't, because you're so used to not crying.

Time is moving way too slow. I miss him. Yeah, I've already said that about a hundred times. Although now I'm also freaked out because of that dream. I don't even know if I should give any importance to it, but it did creep me out a lot.

These late nights are so depressing.

41st - Whine

2006-11-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

I think I'm going to have to re-install Mozilla Firefox or something. Or pick a fight with SmartBro. Because either the connection is really screwed, or the browser is. Very little pages actually load properly. I can't even put images on this blog. RETARDED. THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED.

And also, the signal in my house sucks.

So, basically, today I am extremely pissed off at technology. If I didn't depend on it so badly (such a sad thing), then I'd give it up foreverrrrrr.

I'm like a short fuse these days. My blood boils at the smallest, most trivial thing. I almost broke my mouse today in total frustration. And I've had a headache all day. I took painkillers and that didn't work. I drank lots of coffee and that didn't work. I drank lots of water and that didn't work. So what the hell.

PLUS! My neck and shoulders are really sore.

Can't wait to get out of the house. Can't wait to get a job so I'm kept so busy I don't even have time to think anymore.

40th - Oh Snap

2006-11-21T11:06:00.000+08:00

In regards to the last post...hahahahaha! I didn't enroll. Don't ask why. I'm tired of people asking why and then freaking the fuck out over my reason. Just know that I'm NOT quitting school completely, it's just for a semester or so.

Anyways...what to do with all the free time I have now? Work! So am currently trying to find a job. I've got a few options. I'm not going to say anymore than that unless something becomes set in stone. I still believe in jinxes and stuff, even though I really shouldn't.

I'm not going to HK for the Christmas hols anymore. My parents are arriving here in Philippines on the 25th. Hopefully, they have new boots for me. Haha.

My internet connection is being a dumbass.

39th - School's Back

2006-11-06T14:19:00.000+08:00

New semester. Have to go enroll today. Half of me can't wait; I love getting new schedules and seeing if they suck or not (hopefully my sched this sem won't suck) and finding out what classes I'm taking this semester. I'm excited to be given work to distract me and keep me busy. Half of me is dreading it, because I know that once I do get given work and I turn into Miss Lazy Pants, I'll be ranting and raving about the workload and praying for the holidays.

Phibar tonight with 6cyclemind & Joko and (hopefully) Carla. Then Phibar again tomorrow with Joko & Carla & Cueshe. Whoo. I love Phibar.

I've been taking quite a lot of photos. And Callalily are my new favourite band to take photos of.

Anyways, going to school to enroll and all that jazz. Toodles.

38th - I Got Beat Up

2006-10-29T19:06:00.000+08:00

My expression expresses how I feel, in general, about all things life-related. So I guess that goes for pretty much everything.

37th - Waking Into Nightmares

2006-10-21T08:47:00.000+08:00

So the other day I was in class and I went completely berserk. I just started turning all the tables over and throwing chairs around and smashing things up. When I was through with my destruction, I calmly walked out of the room and straight to the Dean's office because I knew I was going to be sent there anyways. I got there and was asked to explain why I did what I did. And then I started crying when I opened my mouth to try and explain why.

Then I woke up. And I really was crying...and I couldn't stop.

I know that I don't need his bullshit and I never want to get hurt that way again. And yes, I am still fucking angry. But none of that changes the fact that I miss him more than I ever care to let on.

I know life doesn't end with this but I guess some days will just be harder than the rest. But the thing is...you're supposed to wake up from nightmares, not into them.

36th - Hole In Your Tongue

2006-10-16T07:46:00.000+08:00

So yesterday, after my meeting, I got my tongue pierced. Another one of those semi-impulsive things that I do for personal reasons and also because I needed something new in my life. Today my tongue is all puffed up and I can't really talk. It's quite funny.

35th - Cancer Sticks

2006-10-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

At least I won't have someone nagging me to death about it anymore.

"You're still smoking. You said you were going to quit."
"I said I was planning to quit. There's a difference."

I'm quitting YOU, though.

34th - Reunion With My PC

2006-10-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

For the last two weeks we didn't have electricity in the house here in Canlubang due to dumbass typhoon that hit Philippines 2 weeks ago. Sooooo...it was torture. I could only stand a week of it, and then I went to Manila and stayed with my tita until the electricity came back in Canlubang, which was last night. It's exam week and I hate it. I've been up since 5am and tomorrow I have an exam at 8:30am. I can't stop yawning. Oh, I got a haircut about 2 weeks ago too, in Bench Fix in Glorietta. The guy cut off six inches yet everyone's like, "Did you really get a haircut?" C'mon, foo. Oh, and I'm a vegetarian now. Woohoo. Let's see how long it lasts. Har har har.

Went to the opening of Octoberfest in Megamall last week. I'm trying to decide if it's an experience I want to repeat. I guess I'm game, just as long as I don't have to spend a single minute alone. Then Carla and I went to a fundraising event in Makati, a lot of bands played. I think the event began at 6pm and ended around 2:30am. It was awesome. And I got to see Cueshe again; wow, have I missed those guys. I scared Mike with these words: "Mike, I want a hug, I just recovered from chicken pox." Okay, I really have to sleep. I can't stop yawning. Toodles.

33rd - Sometimes Silence Isn't Golden

2006-09-25T22:55:00.000+08:00

"First they put away the dealers, then they put away the prostitutes, then they shooed away the bums, and beat and bashed the queers. Turned away asylum seekers, fed us suspicions and fears. We didn't raise our voice, we didn't make a fuss. It's funny, there was no one left to notice when they came for us."

32nd - Gig Photos

2006-09-23T17:45:00.000+08:00

Just a few snaps for now.

I started reading "The Clinic" by Jonathan Kellerman yesterday and finished it today. Quite good. My back acted up two nights ago and has gotten steadily worse since then. To the point where I can't really move my lower back. So I'm loaded on a ton of painkillers and all hopes of thinking clearly have gone out the window. Still waiting to hear back from the parental units on whether or not I can paint my room black and hang dead bats from the ceiling. Just kidding. I'm going for a light green shade. Or maybe maroon. And no dead animals, but a shitload of photos on the walls.

Strays Don't Sleep songs make me cry. Oh how emo of me. I'm going to get started on a new book after this entry.

31st - I Heart Punk Rock

2006-09-21T21:28:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Rachelle Gabriel, or Elle. Or Elleh. Or my Punk Rock. Basically she is the bestest best friend ever and no one will ever be able to top her. This girl has been there for me for the last few years of my life and we've been through thick and thin together. If I had to list down everything she has done for me to make things a little easier or to make me smile or cheer me up when I'm feeling down, then I'd be writing all night. Hey, Elle, remember that sleepover at your house where we tried to watch The Amityville Horror? I say "tried" because we spent about 95% of the time looking away from the screen and then we put on that movie that put us to sleep in five minutes. Remember the sleepover at my house with your little sister where we made all those videos of us dancing to that "Can't Touch This" song? Remember your last visit to Philippines when I made you go to a Cueshe gig? Hehehe. I told you before that you cannot visit Philippines without going to one of their gigs! Remember all the websites we made, and the fandom, and the sitting together in class and laughing at all of our teacher's quirks? COMOIN!!! Hahahahaha. No words can express how fucking thankful I am that you are in my life and for all the memories. They are what I look back on when I need something to smile about. Your emails are the ones I can never bring myself to delete from my inbox. And I miss you so much. There are times when all I need is to be able to pick up the phone and call you but it's not that easy anymore. I cannot believe we are in living in different timezones now, and it sucks major. But I know that you will always be there for me, and I will always be there for you.

I know your life in Cali will be amazing and it should be because you, above all that I know, deserve it. You are talented and funny and beautiful, inside and out, and I love you to bits and pieces. Someday, when we are 20-something, we'll sit and discuss grown-up (or not so grown-up things, because we will always be little kids at heart) over breakfast or lunch or dinner. And we might even be roomies. And will have fantastic jobs and spiffy cars. Hehehe. Just as long as you are still in my life by that time, all will be good.

Paint Pastel & Punk Rock ♥

30th - Still In Prison.

2006-09-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

I'm not really in prison. It just feels that way. The only time I have stepped foot out of the house in the last week & a half was to go back to the hospital for a check-up. And I've been prescribed more vitamins and even more days of being stuck at home. Shit. I'm going fucking INSANE. The last time I was forced to stay at home for this long was last year, when I broke my foot.

Oh yeah, just to make everything make sense: I have chicken pox. Hence the being imprisoned in my own house thing. Why the hell did I remain so immune to this cursed pox thingymajig when I was a kid?!

And he thinks I'm iffed at getting chicken pox because I like to make believe I'm invincible but, actually, it's mostly because he was the first to tell me I have chicken pox and I just hate it when he's right about something because then he goes all "I told you so" on my ass.

Gah. I miss the outside world. I miss going out with friends. Going to gigs. I miss Carla & Joko and the rest of my friends. I miss him. And I (can't believe I'm saying this but) miss school. It's going to be hell catching up with all that I've missed, and going to miss. Finals in a few weeks. I'm fucked.

So has my misery made you happy yet?

I've been trying to find ways to pass my time. Photoshopping & organizing the ten million photos taken during the Nueva Ecija & Tarlac leg of Cueshe's Pilipinas tour, designing, smoking, eating (as healthily as I can although I did pig out on donuts yesterday & gave myself a major headache), downloading songs, watching eps of One Tree Hill & Smallville & The OC, a lotta texting, bothering people on YM & MSN, sleeping (but not too much because I get migraines from too much sleep) and countless hours going through the online portfolios of other people. Now I'm thinking of digging up the novels I know I have lying around somewhere. And putting together a serious portfolio of my own. Maybe do a little drawing. And I'm trying to persuade my parents to let me renovate my room. Hopefully, hopefully. I'm just so damn BORED.

29th - Collide

2006-09-17T11:46:00.000+08:00

When the cold comes crashing down,
And the fight lost what it's about.
I could tell that you'd left.
It's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love.
It's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide.

28th - Six Slash Nine Slash Oh Six

2006-09-08T00:30:00.000+08:00

To summarize...

Wednesday night. Cueshe gig in Padis LP. Sisig & San Mig Lite for dinner. Boring opening band with their songs meant for heartbroken people who want to get fucking wasted. Sending MMS to Chuck, Nonoy and Argie; cute pictures yehey! ALAK PAAAA!!! Special delivery of the Studex posters haha. Mike's pasalubong from Janet in Dubai; jumbo Toblerone and jumbo Marlboro for a spoiled drummer. Carla got the Toblerone! Feelingeras. Evilness. "May iingitin ako...mission na ito." Major, major kulitan with Jay. Less-than-wholesome thoughts and hoy, todo minanyak ako last night ah. My top that the PAs wouldn't stop commenting on. Carla and I staring at Argie for no reason other than to make him hilariously self-conscious. Brian being cute when we tried to do the whole staring thing at him too. Picture picture. Mike's awesome memory. "Look how they SHINE, look how they SHINE for you." Panira si Ruben. Hahahaha. Carla's "I HATE YELLOW!" comment. And constant yelling of "I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING!" Watching in lights; I follow your eyes, they meet mine, you make my heart beat just that bit faster. Picture picture. Kiss Kiss. Sleeping over at Carla's. PG sa Toblerone and chikahan galore. I love Cueshe. I love their PAs. I love Carla. The end.

Onto the jpegs.

Mike & Carla. Cuteness.

Yummy.

Mission? Hell yeah.

Hah. I don't know.

And the only thing I can say is...I love Jay's necklace.

And for the danda-est picture of the night...

Boobs and cleavage.

The pictures of Jay's attempt at a close-up of my cleavage and the picture I took down his shirt are...not going to be posted here. Hah. Toodles!

27th - Three Fifty

2006-09-06T03:55:00.000+08:00

Monday 3 songs...two days late. Yehey!

At Least I'm Known For Something by New Found Glory

I'm best known for failure
Best known for giving up.

Float On by Modest Mouse

I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well, he just drove off, sometimes life's OK.

Your Winter by Sister Hazel

Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child.

Since it's past midnight, it's now Wednesday...so yesterday would be Tuesday. Yeah, I know, I just unlocked the meaning of life with that realization. Anyhoodles. So yesterday, I was sitting at home trying to find an excuse to leave the house when Carla told me that Chuck texted her to tell us to go to 6cyclemind's band practice. So we went. Madali kami kausapin eh. When we got there, the band had already finished their practice. Mwahahaha! So Carla, Chuck and I went to Chuck's house and hung out there until sometime past midnight. We helped Isidro carry his guitars to his house from the parking lot - Carla and I were so in our PA mode. Lots of chika and whatnot. BFF! Hahahaha. Plotting of evil ways to drive a certain Chuck-obsessed fan absolutely mad with jealousy went down. Insert psychotic laughter here.

I made a compilation of a buncha random songs for two people I absolutely adore. I can be sweet, too. I'm off to burn the songs onto discs and then to watch more Smallville episodes. Have officially forgotten what sleep is. I watched an epi last night that creeped the fuck out of me and made me too scared to go to the bathroom.

Oh, before I go, here's a statement made on my birthday eve (Carla wrote the sign!):

Hell yeah.

26th - Lomosapiens

2006-09-04T02:43:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of lomo cameras? They're awesome. I have an Actionshot lomo, which I need to start using again, because they are the funnest cameras ever. And I hereby declare "funnest" an actual word. Bite me, Webster. Ever since Kuya Alvin set up my PC in my room, I've had access to all my old files from Hong Kong and I can't stop looking through old pictures. So expect me to post a lot more jpegs from my old life in fits of nostalgia. And just because I love pictures, and sometimes it rocks that I'm the only one that knows the stories behind them. Right now I'm thinking back on summer 2005, where beach trips, movies, caramel fraps, pools, casual flings with the shortest shelf lives ever, Death Cab for Cutie's "Photobooth" (among other songs), and Friday nights in Sai Kung ruled our world.

Lesson for the day: don't spill coffee on your mouse. Bad things happen. I had to harass Kuya Alvin for another mouse after mine refused to work.

And as the summer's ending, the cold air will wash your hard heart away.

25th - Cursed Objectives

2006-09-03T03:23:00.000+08:00

Carla and I were kindly given tickets to the Penshoppe Denimlab Rockfest by Darwin, 6cyclemind and Callalily's manager. It was held at the Araneta Coliseum on September 1. So that's where we were Friday night. And I'm pretty sure the damn thing was cursed, because Ney fell into a hole onstage, hit his head and was taken to the hospital after they performed. Then, while we were at the hospital, Chuck told Carla and me that Heart Evangelista had slipped twice on the runway. About fifteen minutes after he told us that, a van pulls up and Heart Evangelista is rushed to the ER in a wheelchair with what looks like a twisted ankle. As I said to Carla and Chuck, "This is an experience. The very first time I saw Jericho Rosales and Heart Evangelista in person was in a hospital." I gotta say that Heart is very, very pretty even when she looks like she's about to start crying and Jericho is so very wafu. Aw. Favourite celebrity couple in Philippines! Hahaha.

Anyhoodles. Ney was released the same night, smiling as he walked out of the hospital. Aww. Whatta trooper. Cute!

About the actual Rockfest thing...well, Carla and I managed to watch performances from Pedicab, Imago, 6cyclemind, Juana, Callalily, Hale, Sandwich, and Protein Shake. I know I'm forgotting a few more bands, but oh well. Didn't stay long enough to catch Spongecola. Left just as Sugarfree were starting. I adore Imago's "Tara Lets" (song namin ni Carla mwahaha!) and I always end up dancing to Sandwich's "Sugod". Such a fun song, especially live. The way Sandwich handled the crowd was amazing. Hale was a disappointment. Sad, but true. Gwapo nga si Champ pero pumipiyok talaga at sintonado. I'd still go see Hale live, but not to witness Champ's less-than-stellar vocal abilities but just to stare at him because he's oh-so-very pretty. So point proven na pagdating sa live performances, winner ang Cueshe. Hahaha. It's bad to compare, but I can't help it.

Since I am broke and actually extremely tired, I stayed at home all day the next day and did the following: eat, sleep, text, download songs, surf the Internet and watch Smallville. How productive, right? I know, I know. Loves it.

Can't afford to be distracted this coming week. Don't have the time, and frankly, I'm sick of being distracted. Like I said a few entries back, it hurts to miss someone to the extent that I miss him. But I can't keep letting it make me lose my focus. I don't think keeping myself busy will make the missing him thing stop, but it will help me take my mind off it for a little while. Which is what I need. And another thing I need is to learn to be objective. If things don't work out, I have to be objective in order to keep some of the things I love dearly in my life. It will hurt, but then again, love always does.

24th - I Eat Bands For Breakfast In Eastwood

2006-09-01T16:04:00.000+08:00

Before I get to all the kwento, I just have to say that "You're So Last Summer" by Taking Back Sunday is the emo-est song ever. Want proof? "You could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt." Jebus. Point made.

Okay, kwento time (with accompanying pics, of course.)

Inset picture is ILTD with Jay at The Breakfast Club, taken on August 30. Last kulitan with Cueshe before their Pilipinas Tour kickoff. It was some sort of ILTD invasion that night, as all the members were present. Woohoo! We are better than you. No, seriously, we are. Gave Ruben his new black and white Superman belt (which Nicole bought for him) and we used that belt as a threat to Ruben if he didn't sing "With Or Without You". Which he did. So yay! Other than that, the guys didn't really sing any covers - mostly just songs from their first and second album. But they sang one of my favourites of theirs (Love Me Now Hate Me Soon) and all I have to say is that that should always be in their repertoire. Oh, and one of the waiters accidentally poured beer all over me so anyone I came within two feet of thought I was drunk.

The next night, I picked Carla up at her office and we went to Eastwood for the "kami nAPO" chuva. Met up with Iya, Joko and Vanessa there. Kamikazee were so awesome, by the way. Vanessa left early and the rest of us were going to head over to Metrowalk to watch Callalily but it's a good thing Carla called LT (from Soupstar) and we found out that the gig had been cancelled. LT told us to go to Starbucks where she was hanging out, along with Darwin (Callalily and 6 Cycle Mind's manager) and Kean of Callalily. Then there was some walking around and picture taking with people. Like Macoy of Orange & Lemons (see inset picture on the right...and I hope to God I got his name right), Jim Paredes, Jugs of Itchyworms, Marc of Shamrock, etc. And then we went to Teriyaki Boy and harassed Kean for pictures. Hahaha.

Anyways...have to get ready to go to the Penshoppe Denim Rockfest thingymajig now. I'll just end this entry with a few more pictures. The rest you can check out at Carla's Multiply site.

ILTD with Jhunjie.

With Jim Paredes.

With Jugs of Itchyworms.

Girlies with Marc of Shamrock. Wouldn't have gotten this picture if it wasn't for Iya. Hehe.

ILTD = awesome love.

23rd - Psychosis

2006-08-30T01:27:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I turn around and catch the smell of you and I cannot go on I cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing I have for you. And I cannot believe that I can feel this for you and you feel nothing. Do you feel nothing?" 4.48 Psychosis.

22nd - Got To Get Better

2006-08-29T03:23:00.000+08:00

I've almost run out of cigarettes, I'm listening to one of the saddest songs ever (New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday) and I got an urge to blog.

Blog about what? I don't know.

I said I was going to end it. I don't want to but it just hurts so much to miss someone. Especially if you know that they're still in the bloody country as you, yet still too fucking far away. I just came back from another country and the entire time I was there I missed him on a whole new level. Not the kind where I would let anyone and everyone know just how much I wanted to be in his presence again, but the kind where I couldn't really talk about it. I could never find the right words to say, so I just kept quiet and tried to live with it. "It" being a dull ache that never went away.

And now I'm back here, and I still miss him.

I'm not a liar. I really won't say "I love you" to a guy unless I actually do. I don't get jealous unless the guy really means something to me. Just trust THAT fact if you don't want to believe me when I say I care. Can I keep you? You know I want to. That's why I couldn't end it. Because you said I'm yours and I am. It's funny how you said you still don't know if I do love you. I should be the one that's unsure who loves who. You could say "I love you" a million times and I don't think I'd ever be fully certain you mean what you say. Maybe because I'm just too scared to believe only to be let down...again. I don't want to hurt anymore, and I'm sick of being left behind. I'm scared of missing you even more than I already do when you (eventually) go away. I'm scared of the dull aching that's not gonna fade.

It's stupid to keep holding on while I still can hold on, isn't it? But I never said I was the smartest person alive.

Down to my last cigarette. And then sleep. I love you, boo.

21st - Just Not Yet

2006-08-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

Okay, Monday 3 songs.

Greener With The Scenery by The Used

I let you just a million times

I love you even though it isn't fair.

Run by Snow Patrol

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you, dear.

Hurt by Johnny Cash

You are someone else

I am still right here.

Shut up, I was a cute baby.

Got back yesterday from Hong Kong. Spent all day at home today. Go me! I'm still hungover from going out everyday during my stay in the 852. I spent my last night there with Nicole and Veronica. Shopping for pasalubong, then dinner in Hebe Haven followed by drinks in X-treme. Wheee. Miles just may be the most beautiful bartender ever. So wafu. Struan joined us. I love that guy. He is hilarious. "Miki, you are very intimidating. You can say 'You want beef with me, foo?!' with your eyeballs!"

So I'm in the living room and it took me about 10 minutes to realize that there were about 4 or 5 guys in the house that I don't know. Well, that's a lie..sort of. They're friends of my cousin. But I'm wearing a nightgown and I'm the only girl in the house. It was sort of jitters-inducing. They have gone now though.

I have seasons one to four of Smallville to watch. Tom Welling heaven! Toodles.

20th - Tomorrow!

2006-08-26T12:57:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's all set. My plane leaves Hong Kong tomorrow at 11am. Yehey!

But dammit I lost my Globe sim card. I don't know how I lost it, so now I have to get a new one and hassle everyone in my contacts list about it. Sorry, guys. I know some of you want to strangle me for changing my numbers way too often in the past few months already.

I got my new ID card yesterday. In my first ID picture (when I was 11), I look petrified. In my second ID picture, I look like the thing I'm petrified OF. Quite amusing, except that I have to LIVE with this ID picture. Ah well. None of you losers will ever see it anyways.

Went out for dinner and drinks with Nicole again last night. 2 vodka cranberries, dinner, one Sex On The Beach and 2 Southern Comfort with Sprite. And I only got a LITTLE tipsy (and a sort of big alcohol-induced headache). My alcohol tolerance is better. AWESOME. Saw some people I didn't really want to see, but life goes on.

Doritos and low-fat cream cheese for breakfast, and a few episodes of Charmed, and then I'm going shopping. Hah. Toodles.

19th - Let Me Go Home

2006-08-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

Monday 3 songs (a day late):

The World I Know by Collective Soul
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding...

Learning To Breathe by Switchfoot
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall

Let Go by Frou Frou
It's alright
'Cos there's beauty in the breakdown.

I've got Michael Buble's "Home" playing in my head...over and over and over again. I guess it fits though. I'm just too far from where you are, I wanna come home.

Yesterday, I went out for drinks with Nicole in X-treme. Miles, the bartender, was our eye candy for the night and I am addicted to vodka cranberries. I had four last night, and then another one earlier this afternoon after having lunch in a Thai restaurant with Nicole, Veronica and a bunch of their friends from school or yoga class or whatever.

I really don't have a lot to say. Tomorrow I'm just planning to go out and do some retail therapy (hopefully). I'm so ready to go back to my life in Philippines. Seriously.

And to all "psychos": WOW, you guys are entertaining.

Oh, and you know what I am so excited about right now? I have a Palm Pilot! I don't even know if I really need one, or why I even HAVE one, but I do! It's awesome!

Okay, just typing those exclamation points was exhausting. I'm going back to watching Charmed.

18th - Dot Dot Dot

2006-08-21T20:50:00.000+08:00

All the streets in Hong Kong look the same to me now, which is weird because I've always been able to tell most of them apart before. But now they just look...identical. And I realized this when I was on my way back home after saying goodbye to Elle at the airport. I don't know what's going on.

17th - Eight Five Two

2006-08-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

Hi, I'm in Hong Kong.

So far I have eaten a lot (yeah, I'm going to gain about 40 pounds again while I'm here - the food is just so good!) and watched a lot of Smallville, CSI and Charmed. My aunt has complete seasons on DVD and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw them. I almost don't want to leave the house. I just want to stay glued to the television set like a complete loser.

I met up with Elle, Joan and Jeff (either their relative or friend, I'm not sure which) and we watched Monster House in IFC. Okay, so the movie is animated and looks like for its for kids therefore it should be all light-hearted and stuff, right? IT'S NOT. It bloody scared the CRAP out of me. Especially since we were so near the screen and I felt like all the characters were gonna jump out and eat my liver or something.

Tomorrow, Elle is leaving for California and I'm taking her to the airport and I will try my very bestest not to bawl my eyes out and cause a total scene.

Today, I am going to Nicole's house to see how she's doing. She can't go out yet because she just had a boob reduction job done two days ago. Wow, that's something I'm not gonna be able to blog about everyday. I thought blogs about my friends getting boob jobs wouldn't happen until I was in my mid 20's. Not at 18.

Haha I'm 18. Totally excercised my right to drink in public by ordering white wine on the plane. Not that I got drunk. Or that it really matters what age I am, because I didn't even get carded. Boo hiss.

Okay, I miss Philippines. And all my lovelies in Philippines. Guys, ang tahimik ng phone ko. So sad. Can't wait until I go back. I swear I'll be wearing new boots when I do. Woohoo!

Must take shower now. Toodles.

16th - Don't Stop The Movement

2006-08-17T08:08:00.000+08:00

I pretty much haven't stopped moving for the last few days. Seriously. And I love it. I hate just sitting still with nothing to do. Although now my eyes are really ache-ish from the lack of sleep, so I'll get some shut-eye after this entry. Oh, and I am way too lazy to write down every single thing I did so I'll just summarize.

Carla, Ritz and I went to the MTV Pilipinas awards thingymajig on Monday night, held in Casino Filipino (Sucat area). We had VIP tickets courtesy of Jeman the Man (and Cueshe, because technically we were holding THEIR tickets). It was an experience, for sure. One that I'd like to repeat again, please. Not only did we get a night of total eye candy (Christian Bautista, anyone?) and most of my favourite OPM bands were there (Cueshe, Urbandub, Spongecola, Sandwich Hale, Pupil, etc.) but INXS WERE THERE. And everytime JD went up onstage, I practically died - especially when he jumped into the mosh pit and went shirtless. Holy batman. Loves it. Other highlights were Sandwich and Urbandub's fucking awesome performances, Carla's and my Spongecola moment, Cueshe winning an award (of course I had to be embarassing and scream the loudest when they went onstage) and finally getting a picture Ely Buendia!

On Tuesday night, it was Cueshe's album launch showcase blah blah (you know, I never really know the proper names of the things that I go to). Held in Robinsons Galleria, in Ortigas. Got there around 4-ish and met up with Carla, Ritz, Joko and a bunch of other people in Human. Cueshe went there as well for a visit. Who knew watching six guys in a famous band pick out clothes would be boring? Oh well. Then they had a showcase in one of the theatres at Movieworld; most of the songs were from the new album (duh). I spent about half of my time practically bending over backwards just to get a different angle. Hmm. There are some photos that I like, and I'll post them another time. Tinatamad ako mag-resize ngayon. Just one for now. Joko got me two CDs as a late birthday present and then took Carla and me out for dinner after the launch! Aww! Yay! Carla and Joko, you two are "teh aweeeesomeee".

Managed to actually attend my afternoon classes on Wednesday. Wowzah. Then after my last class, I put the best shots from Tuesday night on a disc for Jeman, showered, changed and then went to Alabang for another Cueshe bar gig. It was in Padis. So...lame. I got there first before Carla and kept frantically texting, "Where are you?" to her and begging her to get there as fast as she could because my head was starting to hurt from the jologsness of the place. I'm not being a snob. It just really wasn't my type. When the band plus Jeman got there, I was given a crash course on Jay Justiniani's Playlist 101 by Jay himself. Mostly it was him and me listening to random songs on his iPod. Tapos naaliw kami sa pagpicture gamit yung phone ko. When the band were performing, Carla and I were wondering how the audience would react if Ruben sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". We guessed that they would all pretty much die from the kilig factor of the whole thing, but Jeman said that that song isn't included in their repertoire anymore. No worries - Carla was fully prepared to pay Ruben 500 pesos just for him to sing that song. And that's exactly what she did. Pucha. Naloloka parin ako dun. Ang tindi mo, Carla! So Ruben sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" and Carla and I decided the 500 pesos was definitely worth it because dyusko naman, mahimatay himatay na yung mga tao sa Padis...lalo na yung mga bading sa kabilang table! SO FUNNY.

After the gig, I crashed at Jeman's house for a few hours - he had to go back to QC because of their super early calltime today for Unang Hirit but I was with the twins, whom I absolutely adore! Chikahan before going to sleep. Hehehe. Thanks to the twins and Jeman for letting me crash there (and for the Studex poster)!

Anyways, now I am back home. I have to get some sleep, pack my bags (for my flight tomorrow) and then go to Manila and pick up my plane ticket and possibly get together with a friend or something. I'm not sure. Bahala na.

Sleeeepy. Toodles.

15th - Best Birthday Ever

2006-08-14T12:35:00.000+08:00

Before I get to talking about what I did over my birthday weekend (at talagang kinuha ang buong weekend), here are the the Monday 3 songs worth listening to:

You Have My Attention by Copeland

Since that first day when you made my heart smile

With loving eyes and tired sighs that follow.

Everything Is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack

I used to rely on self-medication

I guess I still do that from time to time.

You're Gone by Something Corporate

I taper off and say it's never worth the pain

Sometimes it is.

So pretty much the best birthday ever. On my birthday eve, I went to Ratsky in Tomas Morato with Carla for Cueshe's gig. Birthday greetings all around, a little dancing, and the guys performed songs from their 2nd album. Oh, and Ruben sent the entire female population of the bar that night into some sort of teenybopper frenzy when he sang "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". After their set, we milled around near the stage taking pictures. Then I was "kidnapped" by Jay into the elevator along with the other guys from the band, and that was followed by milling around outside Ratsky taking more pictures. Carla and I scored another group pic with them. Whoohoo. Group pics with Cueshe are rare, trust me. There's always someone missing. Oh, and I got roses. Hahahaha. And before we went to Ratsky, Carla and I watched 6cyclemind practice songs in Cubao and played delivery girls for the band by bringing them food. The girl at the counter in McD's question, when we ordered five supersized meals, was funny: "Ma'am, sa inyo po ba lahat yan?"

The next day...wheee birthday! Yeah, I didn't really have that kind of reaction on the actual day. I, more or less, woke up kinda groggy and went, "Oh crap. If I ever get arrested, I'll be tried as an adult." I don't even know why I thought that, because I have absolutely no plans of getting arrested. Anyways. My entire afternoon was spent with a friend who shall remain nameless for specific reasons. Without getting into too many details, I'll just say it was an amazing afternoon. Then I met up with Carla and Ritz in Glorietta and we went to K Tuna Grill in QC for the little get-together thingy that Jeman and Carla organized for me. There was cake (courtesy of the lovely Ritz, who got drunk!), lotsa food, lotsa beer, dancing and I got egged by Mike and Sir Myke to keep up with Cueshe's "birthday tradition". To everyone who showed up at the get-together, I love you all for it. Sir Myke, thanks for letting us eat, drink and dance our little hearts away in K Tuna Grill. Jeman and Carla, thanks for organizing the whole thing. I had a fantastic time.

The next day, I went to Greenhills and bought an iPod video with the money that my biological dad sent me for my birthday. Woohoo! I love my iPod. New baby. I'm naming it Boots. Don't ask why. Anyhoo, after Greenhills, I went back to Laguna. Got home, showered, changed and met up with Jhen and the two of us went to Letran, where she studies, for the 6cyclemind and Itchyworms gig. She abandoned me when we got there to look for her friends though. Haha. No worries. Met up with 6cyclemind when we got there and hung out with them instead. Chuck, Rye and Ney's impressions of two guys in other bands (I won't say who) were hilarious. Some of the freshmen were wearing fairy wings for some theme and whatnot, and Ney and Tutti borrowed the wings and performed wearing them, which I'm sure the crowd loved.

Anyways, there are a lot more pictures, but I'm too lazy to post them on here, go check out my Livejournal or Multiply if you want to see them. Or Carla's blog. Hahaha.

Must shower and change now. Toodles.

14th - Best Number

2006-08-11T10:09:00.000+08:00

I turn this number today.

And the term "legally an adult", when applied to me, is terribly funny.

13th - Red Eyeshadow

2006-08-10T15:05:00.000+08:00

Inset picture is one of the shots from a home-based "photoshoot" I did out of total and complete boredom, about a year ago when I was still living in Hong Kong. I'm like the lead vocalist of REM! And no, you pervs, I was not topless - just wearing one of those tube top thingies. Once I find the other pictures from the set, I'll post them. They're a real laugh. And now I miss my red eyeshadow. I lost it sometime after I left Hong Kong. Sadness. I think I'll go and buy some today or tomorrow.

My prof for Theories wasn't up to giving a lecture today, so she sent us to the library to look for a personality test and write about it. So spent class time flipping through psych books in search of personality tests. Booooooring. I'm going to a gig later and I'm so happy Carla will be able to make it as well because I know it won't be as much fun if she doesn't go.

My mum has now booked a flight to HK for me on the 18th. I'm staying for a week and then some. Hopefully, I will get my new iPod video before the 18th so that I will not be bored silly during the flight. You know what's strange? I'm looking forward to airplane food. Loves it.

Must shower and get ready now. Toodles.

12th - Responsibility & Irresponsibility

2006-08-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

Pictures from Erika's 1st birthday party:

I wanted to explode today from...stress.

Erika was taken to the hospital earlier. Poor baby. I am praying to whatever higher power there is out there that she will be okay and will be out of the hospital soon. Then I have a friend who is desperately looking for a loan and she came to me. As much as I would like to help, I can't just give all my money (and I don't even have a lot to begin with) to a friend who needs to borrow some. As selfish as it sounds, I want to think about myself too and how much trouble my broke ass would be in. Oh, and let's not forget...it's my fucking birthday this week. And I would very much like to actually have a good time this year on my birthday instead of spending it stuck at home, penniless because a friend of mine had to borrow money due to the fact that she spent all of hers in one week on "fun". You know, I thought she was getting more mature now that she's living (mostly) independantly here but I'm taking that back now. Plus, I've already spent money on Erika's medicine. Family first.

My grades are dropping. Must kick major ass on midterms and finals. Filipino and Math make me nervous. I suck at those two subjects. Seriously.

Wow. I'm in a crappy mood. Someone cheer me up, please.

11th - I Guess So.

2006-08-07T20:22:00.000+08:00

Every Monday, I'm going to post three songs that I find are worth giving a listen to. This week's songs are:

Close Your Eyes by Jump Little Children

The sun will rise and keep your mind at ease
So close your eyes...

My Heart by Paramore

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong

That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Paint The Silence by South

Pain comes in stages if we don't make it

Nothing changes

So anyways. I got back from Mandaluyong today. Erikah's first birthday was alright. Managed to take some very cute pictures of her, but I'm too lazy to post them at the moment. I bought her THREE cakes and ended up eating a lot of it myself. Haha. I love cake. I love the icing on cakes! So I probably gained around 10 pounds. Or so. I don't know. All I do know is that I have to semi-starve myself again. Especially since I followed the insane amount of cake with quite a lot of Colt 45.

I finally saw the video for Cueshe's "Back To Me". It's nice. But the "24 Hours" vid is still my favourite one. The whole concept of burning time...plus the cigarettes, photographs and fire just make it so much more appealing to me. Oooh fire. Oooh pretty. Oh, and the dude is kinda cute. Speaking of dudes...I swear to Jebus that the guy in the "Back To Me" video goes to my school!

When I got home today, I watched a few videos of Callalily's live performances on YouTube. Now I'm asking how I'm still alive because I felt like dying everytime the camera zoomed in on Kean's face. Cuteness.

I asked my dad to ask my mum if she can get a flight to HK for me on the 18th of this month. That way, I will be able to see Elle before she moves to California. Boo. I hate goodbyes. But this is an important goodbye. Well, not really a goodbye. More like a, "See you when we go on our roadtrip to Vegas, biatch!" Love you, Elle.

I'm out. Need to sleep.

10th - Cutest Baby Alive

2006-08-06T01:10:00.000+08:00

This is Erikah Kym. She is my cousin and god-daughter. And she turns one year told today. Of course, there will be a party and of course I, the cake whore of a god-mother, will eat most of the cake at the party. Anyhows. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY ERIKAH! Okay, now stop growing. Seriously. Please stay little and cute forever. Please never learn to talk so you don't start talking back. Please don't turn into a pain of a five-year-old that I want to shackle and hang from the ceiling. Actually, I can't wait until you are old enough to take out to gigs and stuff because I just know you will turn into a music-loving, tattooed, stubborn badass quite like one of your godmothers (cough cough) so just skip all the terrible toddler days and go straight to 18! Or 15's fine, seriously. I'll sneak you out. But you're not allowed to do coke until you're 18. Just kidding. You're never gonna be allowed to do coke. I LOVE THIS BABY. She's already cooler than most of you anyways. I mean, when was the last time you came across a barely 1-year-old baby who likes U2, huh?

On another note...I have to go back to Hong Kong for a few days either sometime this month or early September. It'll be awesome to see my friends there because then we'll all be legal and will no longer have to worry about getting caught for underage drinking.

I've recently come to the conclusion that spending most of your time at home with male relatives makes you start eating like a boy.

9th - Bands & Moments

2006-08-04T16:41:00.000+08:00

Okay, last night kicked so much ass.

Carla and I decided (spontaneously) to go to the Sony BMG event at Hard Rock Cafe. The bands that performed were Craeons, Pupil, Callalily, 6 Cycle Mind, Mano-Mano and Cueshe. Chuck met Carla & me outside the entrance of Hard Rock and we didn't have to pay an entrance fee and got to hang out in the band room where all the bands were (duh) which was pretty much AWESOME. Major kudos to Chuck. GO JACK! Ay...Carlos pala. Not only did he take care of Carla and me the entire time we were with him (he even got food for us wheee!) but he kept us entertained plentiful with his whacked-out jokes and hilarious impressions. Plus introduced us to a few of the guys from other bands, like Kean and Alden of Callalily. By the way, I now have the biggest crush on Kean. Mwahahaha! And my OTHER crush (and the word "crush" makes me feel like I'm in the 5th grade but oh well) Ely Buendia is...wafu. Hahaha. Everytime he walked by us, Carla & I would just stop and stare like idiots. The tulala effect. And Kean has the mala-Ruben effect on us, especially when we got our pictures taken with him. I wanted a picture with Ely Buendia too but the tulala effect got in the way. Bah humbug!

Callalily's performance was good. Last night was the 3rd time I've seen them perform live. Thoroughly enjoyed 6 Cycle Mind's set as Carla and I spent almost the entire time singing along and dancing (which Mike had to see, of course, hahaha!) And even though we have seen them a million times, we still had a grand ol' time watching Cueshe perform. Hey, I've missed watching them and making kulitan with them. We practically lunged ourselves at Fritz when we saw him walk into the band room and, for some reason, Jovan found it fun to keep slapping my knee and grinning like a little boy. And Jay's "Chicken Little" dance was cute. "Jay, I like your hair. Very Chicken Little."

When everyone was about to go home, Carla had her greatest "moment". It was of epic proportions, I swear. And I witnessed it! After I saw it, I was speechless for about 2 seconds...and then wondered if I should say or do anything because I didn't want to ruin the whole thing. But I couldn't take it anymore and let out a very happy, "OH MY GOD! I SAW THAT! I SAW THAT! FINALLY! IT FINALLY HAPPENED!" Of course, my previous "dare" was brought up...but that's okay, because I got a moment too. Pero mas kinikilig parin ako sa moment ni Carla. Parang wala lang ang moment ko eh, ilang beses na nangyari dati mwahaha! It still brought the butterflies though, because he had the cutest smile on his face when I grabbed his hand.

Okay, now for the pictures. There weren't a lot. Drinking and taking pictures like crazy were the 2 things that Carla & I usually do at gigs, but didn't do much of last night (except there was no drinking at all...SHOCKER!)

With Alden.

Drummer boy! "He's like a teddy bear."

With Kean. HOT.

Carlos/Jack/Chuck never has a straight face in pictures.

Despite what my expression may suggest, I was having a blast. Loves the "Cueshe" thing behind me.

Carla & me. She is my favourite person in this country. No joke.

I love live music. It makes me feel about 1239128312 times better.

8th - Infected Eyelash Root

2006-08-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

Just felt like posting these pictures because I love them. The last Solace gig in Daungan that we went to. Fun times.

Daungan bar, early June 2006.

How many times does a person blink in a day? A lot, right? Well, imagine having a sty on your right eyelid and it hurting like a bitch everytime you blink. Oh, and a sty is an infected eyelash root. Sounds gross, doesn't it? Makes sense though. My eyelid started hurting three days ago and on that day I remember a lot of my eyelashes falling out. I'm surprised I still have any left. And why the fuck am I even writing about eyelids and infected eyelash roots?

Hmm. The best thing about my day today was the four-hour nap I took. I woke up kind of disorientated though.

I have started drawing again and this makes me happy. What would make me happier would be to find my lino printing tools, get my polaroid camera fixed, design t-shirts and buy lots of film and start taking pictures using my film SLR again. Art makes me happy. I need to throw myself back into it.

I'm hooked onto One Tree Hill. Haha.

Iya sent me this forward earlier and I like it because it got me thinking:

"There's a difference between giving up and letting go. Letting go is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, giving up is forgetting what was never yours."

7th - The Old Goofiness

2006-08-01T20:35:00.000+08:00

My right eyelid is swollen at the corner. Not to the extreme that it looks retarded but enough to hurt when I blink. It sucks, man.

Jen & me, during Casual Day in Form 4.

I'm going down memory lane. Looking at old journal entries. Old pictures. Reminiscing. I kinda miss high school right now. I miss seeing my best friends every day. I miss our crazy lunch periods where we walked around the school and bought tons of lollipops and laughed ourselves silly at completely random things and the various weird people we came across during our years of "study" in Delia.

I miss being around people who could make you feel better with a single lame joke, who were on the same wavelength as you. I miss my best friends. But don't get me wrong, I love the friends that I have now. The real friends. Although I don't get to see them very often, so that sucks.

Still lonely. Still misreable. I think it really is a part of me.

I think I have pretty much decided to just finish things with him completely. But then again, like I told a friend earlier, I'm at the point where I am telling myself to "just do it" but we all know it'll be a different story when he's actually in front of me. I'm being told to do what I think is right. Well, you know what? Letting go is wrong, but holding on isn't quite right either because if I continued to let myself be a fool then that's just unhealthy. And stupid.

Oh God

Please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)

I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)

You kill me, you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes, hey hey, hey hey

I know what I should do but I just can't turn away

So go on love

Leave while there's still hope for escape

Gotta take what you can these days

There's so much ahead and so much regret

I know what you wanna say (I know what you wanna say)

I know it but can't help feeling differently

I loved you and I shoulda said it but tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it, baby, this is who I am (am)

I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)

You kill me, you build me up but just to watch me break, hey hey, hey hey

I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

Hmm. Jimmy Eat World could probably write the entire soundtrack of my life.

6th - Undertow

2006-07-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

This loneliness is getting the best of me. It didn't make a sudden appearance; more of a gradual, subtle kind of entrance and now it seems to have settled and become a part of me. I could be in a room with a hundred familiar faces and feel like I'm all by myself because that's how it is in my head. I can't talk to anyone properly. I'd try and explain what I'm going through but I think I'd just end up confusing everyone. The words of advice...I appreciate them, but they're not helping. I wish they would but they won't. I came home to an empty house and I hate this place. I want to move out but I still can't. The one person I've always been able to tell everything to is pretty much out of reach. I feel null and void and I just want to feel nothing at all. All the signs point to letting him go; my mind is trying to be rational and telling me to end it completely meanwhile my heart wants to remain naive and is telling me to hold on because there's hope that it'll all be worth it in the end because he will come around eventually. It's a war and I don't know which side should win. I'm tired of waiting and I want to know how much longer he plans to make me wait. What do you do when things don't seem to ever work out the way they should anymore? The way you expect them to? What do you do when the things you had faith in let you down? What do you when you feel like you're breaking, or at least your heart is? I tried blocking it out, I tried drowning it ALL out...but I couldn't. It's all so much stronger than me. Now I'm wondering how strong I ever was in the first place. Maybe I'm just not. Everytime my eyes burn, I feel like the weakest person alive.

5th - Twenty Three

2006-07-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me

I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I wont always love these selfish things
I won't always live not stopping

It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

- 23, Jimmy Eat World

4th - SURVEY!

2006-07-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

three names you go by:
1. Michaela
2. Miki
3. Giles

three screen names you have had:
1. michaela
2. condroid
3. playthestatic

three physical things you like about yourself:
1. Eyes
2. Hands
3. Lips

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. Torso
2. Legs
3. Arms

three parts of your heritage:
1. Filipina
2. British
3. Spanish

three things that scare you:
1. Cockroach
2. Small, dark spaces
3. Rejection.

three of your everyday essentials:
1. Cellphone
2. Eyeliner
3. Any sort of music source (iPod, mp3 players, radio, etc.)

three of your favorite musical artists as of now:
1. Cueshe
2. Jimmy Eat World
3. U2

three of your favorite songs:
1. The World At Large - Modest Mouse
2. My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World
3. Elevation - U2

three things you want in a relationship:
1. Fights that end in making out and sex. Sorry, but I'm a perv.
2. Surprises. The nice kind!
3. The ability to be ourselves around each other.

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Scent

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Blogging.
2. Going out for coffee with my very awesome friends.
3. Watching gigs.

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. Re-decorate my room & turn it into a mini art gallery.
2. Go on a shopping spree.
3. Roadtrip!

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. Fashion photographer.
2. Writer.
3. Radio DJ.

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Australia.
2. England.
3. California.

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I'd die happy if I could only own a really spiffy sports car.
2. I (secretly) like playing car-racing video games.
3. I enjoy wrestling with my cousins.

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. Mood swings!
2. Pigging out totally when I'm PMSing.
3. I take ages to pick out an outfit and do my make-up (sometimes).

three celeb crushes:
1. Brandon Routh.
2. Adam Brody.
3. Ely Buendia.

three people that i would like to see take this quiz:
1. Joko
2. Elle
3. Ritz.

3rd - Whirlpool Love

2006-07-28T08:35:00.000+08:00

I'm skipping school because I'm unwell (cue Matchbox 20's song playing in my head). I'm pretty sure I got over being sick, like, a millisecond ago...and now I'm sick again? What the hell, man. My immune system sucks!

And I've got a report on some dude with a theory on personality development for next week. Die.

Yesterday, I did the smartest thing I've done in quite awhile and stopped listening (but it was the dumb kind of smart decision, if that makes any sense at all which it probably doesn't). I already feel like crap physically and emotionally and, like I told Carla, I really don't need anything else to make me feel worse. If only I could be REALLY smart and just stop dealing with this bullshit altogether. He's like a fucking whirlpool - he sucks me in, every single time, into a world of madness, lying, deceiving, jealousy, cheating, stolen kisses, not-so-wholesome sleepovers, revenge, self-inflicted harm, crying...need I go on? It's more bad than good, but the good makes up for all the bad. Still, I know it's not healthy. But when you're as insanely attracted to pain as I am, then it's all kind of hard to give up. Even more so when hearts get in the way. My whirlpool.

I thought I had made up my mind about what to do about the whole situation. Then my set-on-shuffle-playlist decided to be an asshole and played a certain song which never fails to make me miss him. And then, riiiight after I had just texted Norelle saying I wasn't going to call or text him anymore, guess what? He called me. To ask me how I was and to tell me he missed me.

"How are you?"

"Sick."

"Lovesick?"

"Lovesick? You wish."

I would very much like to believe that I am so much better than all of this.

2nd - Ex Marks The Spot

2006-07-26T17:43:00.000+08:00

So there's a guy from my school that I dated seven fucking months ago for about 2 seconds and he moved away before this sem started but all of a sudden he's back and being all papansin around campus. He & his twat of a sister better be ready to get their heads bitten off by me tomorrow in school because I just found out that Ex's sister dissed me...in front of my cousin.

Okay, first of all...how stupid can you get? You don't diss your brother's ex in front of someone who is related to her unless you're really looking to get your ass kicked.

Secondly, late reaction much? Like I previously mentioned, I dated the guy back in December. And for less than two weeks. So someone tell me why the fuck this shit is happening now.

Some people are just...wow. Like my cousin told Ex's annoying sibling, "Walang cure para sa insecurity." Attention-seeking whore!

Moving on! Today's sociology class was interesting albeit embarassing because my professor totally put me in the hot seat. We were discussing love, marriage, courtship, blah blah blah and all of a sudden my prof asks me what are the proper methods of courtship. Then he asks if I have a boyfriend. And cue a lot of uncomfortable questions for me, the most being the simplest one of all: "Do you love him?" Keep in mind, the whole time my professor was making me squirm with all the questions, the whole class was reacting to every single one of my answers either with hoots, "yiheee"'s, etc.

I was also interrogated on how I knew I loved the guy or not. After several answers which led way to even more "how do you know"'s, I finally came out with an answer that made my professor stop and think. And the whole class to, once again, explode with "yihee"'s:

"Well, I see his flaws and tinatanggap ko sila instead of trying to change him. I accept them as part of who he is. So there."

Sana naman wag nako i-gisado ng professor ko sa susunod na class noh?

Random: I want to go to Capones.

I'm almost flat broke. This is going to be fun. End sarcasm.

1st - Hurrah For First Posts!

2006-07-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

So I've decided to move to Blogspot. Hi, guys.

Now, I'm wondering why school wasn't cancelled for Laguna students. It was raining like a bitch here too. Especially when I was in PE. And after PE, therefore kinda leaving me stranded at the school gate because, as usual, I didn't bring an umbrella. Ako ang batang hindi marunong magdala ng payong...feeling waterproof daw. But it was okay because there's a guy in my PE class called John and he shared his umbrella with me. I stayed in Cyber for awhile, smoked a cig & waited for the rain to let up just a little bit before going home.

For the last few weeks, I've been feeling...something. Last night, I figured out what it was: loneliness. I'm the loneliest I've been in a long time and I just wish that hanging out with my best friend in Starbucks was still an option.

Someone texted me earlier to tell me that that, once again, there's "talk" of us again. And by us, I mean Lover & me. Walang kamatayan. Leche. I don't even know why people are still talking about the whole thing when we haven't exactly been all PDA on everyone's asses. But it just made me sadder and a whole lot more annoyed. Partly because it doesn't feel like there's anything between us anymore, and I really wish there still was something.